I find the Onion AV Club the best place for film reviews. They seem 'fair and balanced' in their praise and criticism and they present a review that's generally humorous, put into context and just the right length. They have thoughtful, entertaining features like this and Commentary Tracks of the Damned. They also escape the harshness of Ebert's Caesarian thumb, the Rosenbaumian attempt to lay blame and impress you with his reading accomplishments, and the staleness of star ratings. So, kudos, etc.

But where would Bo and Luke Duke fit into all this?

I'm glad you asked this, because although sounding a horn that plays "Dixie" (Or in another milieu, "La Cucaracha") definitely surpasses the rudeness of "The Sustain," in another way, the sort of chap that would install such a horn is very much doing us a favor by announcing just what an asshole he is before arriving on the scene.

If only we could identify ALL supreme assholes as such before getting involved with them! Maybe we should ENCOURAGE novelty horn usage!

Why does anyone still do "shave and a haircut"? Which among our current cheesy jingles will our grandkids be tapping out on their flying-car horns?

Do you have any similar rules for dickheads who leave their car alarms on (to inevitably wail) during violent thunderstorms?

The length of the horn beeping depends on my mood. It could be a less than a second and if I am pissy, then they will get the sustain. Think about it, they are being stupid. Driving is not daydreaming. Do what you need to do, or take the bus.

Oh my friend. Do you not see that if you give a Sustained Beep, then you have become what you behold? RESIST! RESIST!

Well, if it makes you feel better about my horn usage, generally I use the sustain, and the person waves a friendly sorry, so I end up feeling bad about using it. Perhaps that will deter me from future horn abuse.

I think we both know... that's not true.

These crime shows are so few lately, I look forward to each and every one. Another genre that just doesnt get enough air time, is the medical drama. Where have they gone? What was it that someone said when Caruso left NYPD Blue to make his way into a rewarding film career? I hope you have a long career, a Shelly Long career. But, here he is, back on the tube. The world rejoices!

never seen one episode of CSI or it's derivatives. On the other hand, I Tivo Law and Order SVU and CI. Also, for those of us who like men and find them sexually appealing, Blind Justice is a very good show.

I wretch @ the site of any poster, preview, clip of Blind Justice. For one, it was extreme overkill on the marketing. I get it, he's blind and he wants to keep his job. He's getting crap from his former buddies. They don't think he can knock it. I know that the critics were hailing it, but my God, could it be more cliched? I will not watch this show should the Lord himself tell me to do so. Besides, we sooo needed another cop show, with the lead character standing up against the odds. Crap! Crap! Crap! Yes I am judging it w/out seeing it, stupid blind me. Is it Ron Eldard, is that his name? Yes, he is cute, but not saying such lines as, what was it? "I can still do my job. Don't count me out." Or whatever boring crap they had him babble on about.

Plus now I have to rename the drama I wrote about a blind judge. "I don't need to see evidence in order to rule on a case. I'll know if it feels right."

Now I'll have to go with my other titles, "Unsightly Judge" or "Eye Rule".

Rich, how about "Just Blindness"? He should probably tap dance in his off hours.

I like the tap dancing part. I'll give you a producing credit. I've decided the name will be:

The Judge Who Couldn't See Shit.

It will have to be on HBO of course.

Maybe it's the hair.

Aside from the fact that he is totally hot and I would push my mother in front of a bus to do him, I don't find his acting to be that appealing. However, before he was the buff hottie he is today, he did a wonderful job in Stand by Me. Long live Vern Tessio!

Even little Corey Feldman was good in that one.

You are right, but I did not want to be the one who has that statement next to his name.

Did you know that Jerry's less attractive brother is the title character on the new "The Bachelor"? Don't ask me how I know that.

I knew that. and I would do him too. Take that Mom!

Tax time? Is it really? I am holding off cuz I am going to owe a small fortune this year. I love tax time!

Have brian tell you the "humorous" story of how he was actually in a literal fetal position in our hallway after doing our taxes.

Good times.

But what of the beautiful filmmakers?

I love Malibu...Barbie.

The beautiful filmmakers were there too, frolicking in the tide, playfully cresting every so often to blow spray from their blowholes.

What gentle giants, those filmmakers! What graceful beasts! Oh, the majesty of Nature!

Chris turned to look for the beautiful filmakers. There were none to be found. He ran up and down the beach searching, hoping, gasping for air and yelling, "Where are the beautiful filmakers?!! Where?!!" Then out of despair, for no beautiful filmakers answered his call, he flung himself off of a cliff and into the understanding ocean. Chris felt the cool love of the ocean water envelope him and take him to a better place. Just then a giant humpback whale surfaced and opened his huge dinner plate sized eye and stared at Chris. Chris looked into the eye of this gentle beast, saw his reflection and at that moment realized, I am the beautiful filmaker. I've been here all along. At the moment Chris decided to choose life. "I want to live! I want to live!." But it was too late the whale ate him.

:: clap ::

:: clap::

:: clap clap clap ::

really great stuff rich.

My God - it's like he was THERE.

Haunting...poetic...beautiful...tasty

Curses! Jessica used the slow build sarcastic clap against me.

::punch::

::punch::

::punchpunchpunch::

Father's Office is a little bit of a gay name anyway. It would be a good name for a lingerie shop ~ not a burger joint.

If it WERE a lingerie shop that would at least explain the terrible table service, though.

I went to a bar once and asked a waitress if she could get me a menu or a drink or something and she said "Yeah, but it's easier to go up to the bar"

I couldn't help but wonder:

EASIER FOR WHOM

I would spend days, ne WEEKS working on models. I sanded the pieces after I separated them from the palstic holders, shaved off extraneous faults in the molding, appropriately "aged" and "distressed" more warn parts, etc. Airplanes were bored with bullet holes from dogfights. Aircraft carriers had skid marks from planes that landed there countless times and smoke trailed the planes that were just leaving the flightdeck. Cars had pinstripes and dirty mudflaps. Boats had darker shading where the waterline used to be before this miniature vessel was lifted from the stormy sea from wence it came.

They all met their ends in my backyard under massive mailstroms of BB gun fire. It was the most fun trying to shoot the pilots out of the cockpits!

~

maelstrom

GET IN THE BATHROOM!!!

Shaving off faults in the molding? You were hardcore!

Didn't it hurt to shoot them up after so much work? Why do you destroy the things you create?

That very question was asked of me when I was a toddler and didn't have a bowel movement for 31 days. It was very difficult for me to destroy what I had created.

~

whence

I'm getting it from Wife Ami too?

Forget it.

Chris... I thought you kept the pimp-hand strong.

I'm disappointed.

I think "~ whence" means "What does ~ mean in this context?"

Put another way, "Dude, what's up with the ~?"

Now you explain what "~ maelstrom" means, apart from being the new name of my band.

Totally weak and hamal chris. Your wife was obviously referring to brian's fey spelling of whence (as wence). Whereas I was ripping his fey spelling of maelstrom as mailstrom, which is what happens when a mailbox gets pulled up by a tornado.

BUT SERIOUSLY!

Thank God I did not have the added nerdiness of model making. No, I just played w/ my friend's Bionic Woman doll.

When I used to hole up in the bedroom and play Intellivision adventure games (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons usually) I would actually sit there and narrate my adventures aloud.

"Glancing behind her one last time, she went down the ladder to the 12th level, where she knew she'd never be heard from again..."

Then I'd go be upset about how I didn't have a boyfriend.

For ten long years I've wondered why you looked at me like that. I thought my fly was open.

oh my god it IS, and look at the size of that thing!

Once again, how is pulling a five month old baby off life support erring on the side of life?

Oh right, the mom ran out of money.

i wonder if Terri Schiavo was black and lived in Harlem, if this would be an issue.

What I like to do in cases like this is ask What Would Jesus Do. And then I like to ignore that, and do whatever's going to keep power in Republican hands, because that's the point.

But the MAIN THING is, I ask What Jesus Would Do, frequently, so that my base can hear me and admire me.

Hmmm What Would Jesus Do?

Well..he's not really big on super rich guys

Ok, but besides that

Ok ok. Jesus also doesn't like unnecessary suffering, and he believes that perfect peace and healing can be found through merciful death

hmmm..yeah, but that's not the popular opinion

jesus didn't care what was popular.

crap.

Jesus would have turned over some tables and yelled, "I'm out of order? You're out of order! This whole court is out of order!"

I love how Bush and the Republicans are for States Rights, but only if they agree with the decision made by the state. I hope it goes to the Supreme Court because Rhenquist and Scalia have already sided with the rights of a person in a vegatative state to die.

But don't forget that Scalia will do whatever The R's want him to do. I'm guessing when he and Cheney were on that duck hunting trip, they showed Scalia the incriminating pictures they have of him.

Err on the side of life? So in hunting for WMDs, do you...

1) Give the inspectors more time (along with all your iron-clad intelligence proof)?

2) Bomb the shit out of the natives?

"err on the side of white christian life"

We used to change the terror alert color whenever there was bad news for Bush, but we haven't done that for a while (since it was pointed out).

I wonder if the new system of distraction involves pushing Christian hot-buttons on needless battles like this storm in a teacup.

They're throwing spaghetti against the wall to see if it will stick.

When i did that, my mom beat me bloody with a slotted spoon.

woah. what? WHAT? I mean, WHAT? I've never read such hypocrisy in my life. Can I get some cites on this so as to feed my own anger? Does Hullabaloo have the pertinent links? (it's a 'forbidden' url here at work)

I did a bit of poking and found the story about the baby being taken off lifesupport

http://news.findlaw.com/ap/o/632/03-15-2005/dc280009db88d7e0.html

Give him a break! Maybe the one in Texas was black.

in discussing the dichotomy of Terri Schiavo being forced to live and Retarded inmates being fried on Low Culture.com, someone said "Geez, even when G.Bush does something positive you guys have to slam him"

I couldn't resist. Someone tell me the positive - state sponsored murder of the mentally challenged? Or the prolonging of one family's agony? I'm missing it.

Isn't this "big government" trumping "sanctity of marriage"?

And what about the "personal responsibility" crowd? Instead of protesting the husband's rights they could organize to adopt, look after and pay for the vegetative patient. They could take ownership of the problem instead of fighting someone else's ability to solve it.

If this woman had died in combat (or friendly fire) in Iraq she would have barely a fraction of this news event saturation.

Lileks is the champion of using strawmen to win arguements. For instance, in a column against abortion, he'd find some woman in New York City who goes out and gets pregnanct specifically to have abortions because she thinks they're fun. And then everything else is negated.

The only thing that weirds me out about the Schiavo case is this: it's not a matter of pulling a plug, or a breathing tube, it's a feeding tube, and starving to death over two weeks (as I understand will be the process, maybe I'm wrong), seems intensely cruel and unusual. Am I missing something in the story?

That said...keep me alive as long as possible, with a t.v. in front of me on the food network. I need the rest.

Hmmmm Experts agree that Terri Schiavo can't recover from her vegetative state

http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/N21349374.htm

OBVIOUSLY THOSE FOLKS HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO:

THE LORD

THE HUSBAND SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DECIDE. PERIOD. This whole thing upsets me, angers me, and disgusts me. The fact that she does react and smile and cry gives me pause. But after 15 years (is that right?) what hope is there? I hate to be negative, but why would you want to remember your loved one in this scenario? It should never have gone on this long. I think that starving her for 14 days is gruesome, although I have no other ideas. Euthanise her? We were listening to npr this morning, and I thought the best argument was the wording that the reporter used. "artifical means". If the body is no longer operating w/out assistance, then it is time to end it. So, I could be kept alive for another 20 years after I was to die. Does that mean I want to, or should be allowed to live? So many angles, so many arguments, let the woman rest in peace.

I'm still waiting for CSI: Moline.

Go up to him and say "Hey, aren't you the guy from Jade?"

awesome.

Or, "Aren't you that guy from Hudson Hawk?"

Best: Are you the guy from Thief of Hearts? or First Blood.

I saw him and all I could get out was "AREN'T YOU CIGAR AFICIANADO MAGAZINE'S DAVID CARUSO?"

Your hatred of capitalism is making shiny-faced nervous adolescent Jesus cry.

Quite simply, I COULD NOT AGREE WITH THIS POST MORE.

The "money you sort of have but don't count on it" feature is the most sickening. Current vs. Available balance to me is like having two restrooms labeled Lilies and Violets. I know the words...but what do they mean to ME.

Say what you will about Lucas, I've always admired the fact that he made Star Wars the way HE wanted it, and he did whatever it took to get that done. Don't forget, Star Wars was an independant film.

Yes, and he's never changed on that. The vision is absolutely singular, and he hasn't altered it to please bitter critics or fans with incredibly high expectations. Even in his latest interview, when he's questioned about fan disappointment with the last two films, he says:

"I never try to anticipate what the world's going to think or even worry about whether they're going to like it or not. That's not my job, to make people like my movies. They either like them or they don't. That's completely out of my hands."

I agree, it's too easily overlooked that these are probably the most personal big films on the market. It's odd that auteurism in this instance is attacked as being control-freakism because not everyone agrees with his choices.

In no order, except for the first, which is definitely Number One.

The Color Purple
Raising Arizona
Death Becomes Her
Moonstruck
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Catch Me If You Can
Singin' in the Rain
Waking Ned Devine
Winged Migration
Love Actually

On deck:
The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)
The Talented Mr. Ripley

I think it's important that the title is MY PERSONAL TOP TEN MOVIES. I don't, by any means believe these are the top ten movies ever made or some such shit. These are in no Particular order, except that truly, Ghostbusters is my favorite movie OF ALL TIME.

JANINE???? SORRY ABOUT THE BUG EYES THING...I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE.

Ghostbusters
Ferris Buellers Day Off
Raising Arizona
Empire of the Sun
Talk Radio
Field of Dreams
Dead Again
Much Ado About Nothing
Quiz Show
National Lampoon's Vacation

On Deck:

X-Men
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

wife ami is such A GIRL.

I'm so glad you noticed!

I enjoy the fact that Raising Arizona is so universally loved. Look how vastly different ALL of our lists are, and yet, there's Raising Arizona on all of them.

MOVIES

Mine are in no particular order, except some might fall alphabetically here and there. I'm having a very hard time with this one. My on deck is a little big because I'm having trouble shrinking this down. I'm bad at just picking ten.

Also, I ruined the Raising Arizona thing.

Brazil
Requiem for a Dream
The English Patient
From Russia with Love
The Godfather
Koyaanisqatsi
Lost in Translation
Shaft
LA Confidential
American Psycho

On Deck
Rear Window
Metropolis
Sleuth
The Seventh Seal
The Sweet Hereafter
Through a Glass Darkly
Lawrence of Arabia

Ok. Here we go. I've honestly never done this before. In no partucluar order. Here goes...

The Holy Grail
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Raiders of the Lost Ark
The Lord of the Rings trilogy
Henry V (Branagh)
Bull Durham
Braveheart
Rear Window
The Shawshank Redemption
A Fish Called Wanda

On Deck:
Caddyshack

oh man. Shawshank

I may have to put that on deck instead of Christmas Vacation

Yikes! My on deck list is growing. Fish Called Wanda, Field of Dreams, Metropolis, yes! But Mups - Requiem For a Dream? There are not enough stiff shots in the world to restore my nerves after that movie!

LA Confidential and A Fish Called Wanda definitely go on deck for me. I was rooting for Raising Arizona to show up on everyone's list. Come on, folks. You all KNOW it deserves props.

HEALTHY WHITE BABY? WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

I include the previous disclaimers along with another: this is me today and my favorites keep shifting depending whether the moon is waxing in Uranus or something...

Seven Samurai
It Happened One Night
Star Wars
Lord of the Rings
Bladerunner
Princess Mononoke
Fallen Angels/Chungking Express (hard to separate)
Breathless
Trainspotting
Roman Holiday

On Deck:

You Can't Take it With You
Citizen Kane
Withnail & I
The Lady Eve
The Horse's Mouth
The Apartment
Yi-Yi
Fight Club
Band of Outsiders
Yojimbo
Hidden Fortress
Ikiru
Ran
High Noon
Nausicaa
Ashes of Time

narrowing it down is difficult so I'll stop here

I have never seen Citizen Kane.
It's true

I forgot The Philadelphia Story and His Girl Friday. It's too difficult Chris, curse you.

Hmm. Also Silence of The Lambs, Swing Kids, and I really really really love the Disney Beauty and the Beast.

I'll give this a whirl. It will undoubtedly chang e tomorrow. ;-) In no particular order:

* Amelie
* Lost in Translation
* Mansfield Park (1999)
* Royal Tennenbaums or Rushmore
* Barcelona
* Red
* Blade Runner
* Battlestar Galactica mini-series (just watched it last week and loved it)
* Nightmare Before Christmas
* on of many sci-fi films that I eagerly anticipated and then was slightly let down by in quality, but I still love watching. (5th element, hellboy, matrix,

On Deck (what does this mean? runner-ups?)

* Incredibles
* Empire Strikes Back
* Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
* Heat
* American Beauty
* Lord of the Rings

This seems like a very intellectual crowd, so I fear I may take some heat over my movies, but, I gotta be me...

The Original Star Wars (Episodes 4-6)
The Matrix (NOT the Sequels)
Braveheart
Back to the Future
Zoolander
Glory
The Indiana Jones Movies
Pulp Fiction
The Incredibles
A River Runs Through It

On the bench...
The Shining
Last of the Mohicans
Ghostbusters
Backdraft
Edward Scissorhands
Shrek
The Shawshank Redemption
Superman II
Unforgiven

I could go on and on, but I'm going to stop there. All in all, I LOVE MOVIES!

Wow! Great lists! They have reminded me to add "Amelie," "Fight Club," (which I urge you not to talk about), "Citizen Kane," "Ghostbusters," "Pulp Fiction," "Silence of the Lambs," and "Empire Strikes Back" to my "on deck" list, which is the list of movies that may be called on at any time to fill one of the coveted top ten spots should one of the greats falter.

So I am way behind. Forgive me. No order, except the first one...
Day of the Dead
Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
The Birds
The Road Warrior
Aliens
Blue Velvet
Uncle Buck
Poltergeist
The Karate Kid
Murphy's Romance
Revenge of the Nerds
Black Widow
...too many? Sorry

Oooh, oooh, and My Man Godfrey!

THAT IS FOURTEEN MOVIES. YOU WERE ASKED FOR A TOP TEN. The management will now go through and relegate a random four to lesser, "On Deck" status.

My apologies. Just take them all off. They all suck anyway. Stupid movies.

Yes, Amelie and My Man Godfrey. And also American Beauty and Last of the Mohicans (very underrated). I also forgot Ghost in the Shell and Hannah and Her Sisters.

It's a difficult question, naming top ten. It's like being asked to name the organs you want to keep.

I thought of another: "Seven," or, as the kids are calling it, "Se7en."

Life of Brian
Raising Arizona
Roxanne
Goodfellas
Braveheart
Rushmore
Searching for Bobby Fischer
On the Waterfront
Straight Story
Say Anything

On Deck:
Lord of the Rings Trilogy (First one especially)
Holy Grail
In the Heat of the Night
The Station Agent

I'm surprised Brian didn't have Strange Brew on his list. I'm sure I left something off as well.

I call, list not etched in stone!

I know...I feel I am the only one who really loves Requiem for a Dream. Although, I can only watch it once in a great while.

I also forgot Adaptation, which is another one I love and other people seem not to so much. Not to mention Taxi Driver...Chinatown...Maltese Falcon...LIE...Bob le Flambeur...ugh, too many that I like too much...

Rich made me remember how much I love L.A. Story. That needs to be On Deck for me. And Backdraft. Man, I love Backdraft.

Harris! Someone told me you have a PhD in Arts and Humanities!

Yes I do!

Lot of good it did you.

I loved Adaptation, never seen Requiem, but I do love's me some Jennifer Connelly (is that spelled correctly?)

Correction, loves me. No apostrophe.

I loves my friend

It was meant to sound ghetto. Duh. Work w/ me here.

No I know it was. It reminded me of a horrible horrible poetry project I worked on with the likes of isaac, and maybe chris, many years ago. We perfomed a poem as a 'round' and it sounded like garbled crap. One of the lines was "I loved my friend", and perhaps it was isaac who read it as "loves" and we all laughed at how early american negro dialect was so different from our own.

I loved My Man Godfrey. Have you ever watched Life with Father? I think that's the name. It's were the whole family has red hair. It's a fun old movie.

Here's one that I bet either no one has seen or no one likes. If you like this movie please discuss. Let It Ride with Richard Dreyfus.

If you haven't seen Let It Ride, I can lend it to you. real cheap

The only thing I know about Let it Ride, is that I used to have the movie poster. My local video store would give me most of their posters that would not be hung up, so I would go through and rid myself of the nasties, and proceed to store the rest, which I still do to this day. Let it Ride did not make the cut. Sorry.

Has anyone ever seen the My Man Godfrey remake, with (I think) David Niven? How does it compare to the William Powell version?

I loaned Jessica and Brian Let It Ride, 6 or 7 years ago and they still haven't watched it. They still have the video, but refuse to watch it. They will though, if I have to wait 20 more years, they will watch it!

I thought a friend keeping a movie for a few months was a long time. I stand corrected.

If I relinquish that movie to Rich. Rich wins. Don't you see that?

I have already won by making you store my radioactive movie for 7 years. Moohoohoohaha!

I do see that. Someone else sees it too. Someone else who sees everything. Someone else who sees it as stealing. Hmm?

Elwood? Is it Elwood? If it's elwood i'll give it back this afternoon.

It could be him. It could be someone else. The question is; do you want to take a chance?

Jesus, correct? Jesus sees it as stealing! Now you are in big trouble Jessica.

DAAARTH

DARTH MAUL

DARTH MAUL DARTH MAUL DARTH MAUL DARTH MAUL

Also, i had a dream the other night that John K. (I'll protect his innocence here) was being chased by a huge tiger, maybe ten times normal size, with a huge spear sticking out of his side. I watched it all from a distance, as Bette Midler would say...and John only escaped by diving into deep, putrid water and swimming far away.

Thoughts?

Why bother to interpret it? Call him up! It actually happened to him. I thought you knew that!

DARTH MAULLL, DARTH MAULLLLLLL.....

Wait, he thought it was a mistake to go back and do the beginning of the story (the rise and fall from grace)? He'd rather see what happens after the story ended (post-redemption)?

Yeah, the most exciting WWII films take place after the war was over, not during Hitler's rise rise to power or subsequent war. (I'm not counting the Third Man as a WWII film)

You're just mad that Hitler lost.

Hitler cuddler

Not that part so much as the general Anti-Rosenbaumian sentiments he offered re: joy at the movies.

MARGE!

Yes, joy at the movies is a good thing. I'm not on the anti-Lucas/Spielberg-bandwagon. Their philosophy was always making films they wanted to see, not trying to guess what would appeal to the widest and blandest demographic base (which is what the studios do today and what the Rosenbaums blame Lucas/Spielberg for). They've both made dark and light films.

I find the joylessness of films today comes not from the darkness of the stories but a general cynicism that takes a condescending attitude toward any form of sentiment. They appeal to the head, not the heart (or soul).

In relationship terms, it's a choice between the love of your life (requiring emotions, risk of pain, thought and time) and a handjob behind the dugout (shallow and brief forgettable pleasure). Movie studios prefer to deliver the latter because it's easier to sell.

I completely agree with that, particularly the cynicism. I think filmakers also relate unhappiness, tragedy, sad ending with 'reality' or 'raw emotion', when actually, there ARE happy endings and success and survival in life.

that's why people watch friggin' Uncle Buck every time it's on TBS or why everyone loves Raising Arizona, and frankly, it's why below average 'bad' movies like The Pacifier gain success at the box office. You can only watch Requiem for Dream so much before you're ready to blow your head off.

I was going to make some crude handjob comments here, but decided not to.

I agree. Putting something in a film because it's (one view of) "reality" isn't particularly admirable. Provoking saddness because you can is no better than provoking laughter because you can. I want those feelings, but because the storyteller has made me think, learn and empathize, not because they're following a formula to get those results.

I like a happy ending but I want it to grow organically from the story rather than "because the real ending didn't go down well in Peoria's test audience". I want to cheer for the protaganist because I've joined him on his journey not because you're supposed to cheer for the protaganist.

I miss directors like Frank Capra who had powerful messages, ideas and commentary in their films along with the laughter or tears (very often both).

Sorry for all the parentheses.

oh, and this guy named his kid Gnat? Is that more endearing that earmite, chigger or dung-beetle?

Uncle Buck is a great movie, yet again showcasing the many talents of the late, great John Candy. Sure, it's no Canadian Bacon, but come on... what could be? :)

I think we should all tell MORE people that they should take a quarter downtown and have a rat gnaw the proverbial mole off their cheek. At the end of the day, in this town... THAT my friends is entertainment.

Henry Rollins does a great bit on movies as well, and what appeals to the masses and why people go to see particular types of movies. Good stuff.

What I think is so excellent about the rat gnawing comment is the implication that you'd have to PAY A RAT to do that. As if rats take money in exchange for goods and services.

Here's a quarter, go pay a TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY to gnaw that thing off your face wouldn't be as funny..because I used to rub aunt eileens feet for a quarter every holiday.

Yeah man, you're harshing my grove. Now my oranges won't grow.

BUT SERIOUSLY. You're a bigger man than I. I'm scared to even start to think about attempting skiing as it can only end in "kicker news story" tragedy for me.

"And next....a pudgy lady who literally fell head over heels....TO HER DEATH!"

::sighing heavily::

None of this would have happened if you'd been at church, shooting the place up.

What's with the dramatic sighs? I didn't even MENTION goats.

Just the fact that you don't proofread your blog.

LAZY BLOGGER SON OF A SO AND SO

I sigh because I revise everything about 93 times and still miss the groves.

Chris' tombstone:

HERE LIES CHRIS MCCALEB, HE SIGHED

Yes, but I'm sure there'll be a typo on it, and over on your tombstone will be a picture of my goats.

your pissyness speaks volumes

I remember reading about Mr. LaHaye's fortunes and stock assets. Leaving aside the obvious point about a camel and the eye of a needle, why would someone expecting the imminent Rapture, have assets tied up in the stock market?

I think the fact that you as of yet still fail to link to EITHER Alien Loves Predator OR Brewster Rockit, Space Guy in the "The Fun" section, speaks volumes about "The Fun". VOLUMES I say.

I just tore 'speaking volumes' out of the language for you.

Perhaps we can also eliminate the phrase '24/7'. Apparently it's a way of saying 'all the time' but without all that clarity.

24/7 is a big irritant for me. The look on my face, when someone says it, speaks volumes about the hatred I feel toward it.

I like when they throw in 365.

24/7, 365. Why not go all the way? 60/60/24/7/365?

One woman explained that he was a nice guy because he would trap rabbits in his back yard and then drive them thirty miles away to let them go.

THAT is perfectly normal behavior? Shuttling Rabbits to and fro?

Also, what's all this about not liking sermon? "He was upset about a sermon he heard two weeks ago"

Oh WELL then. OK, let's just shut the books on this one. If the sermon upset him, I think we all knew what would happen.

I blame the violence in video games.

I used to get pretty worked up about the sermons @ my church. Mostly the ones that included drinking special orange drink, as a symbol of the Lord's blood. The preacher would have his say, and then give us some orange drink for the long journey home. I felt forever healed. Then one Sunday, it did not work, and I felt the urge to transport my hamster from room to room. Other than that, I am perfectly normal, normal, normal, normal.

Some of my favorite past winners have been John Ashcroft's $4000 drapes on Lady Justice and the concealing of Picasso's Guernica during a pre-invasion Colin Powell speech.

Oh and let's not forget the president's wearing a wire during the debate.

What could be worse than UNINTIONAL SYMBOLISM?

Is that where you use words that don't exist to symbolize words that do?

:: kissing goats right on their little heads ::

And now I will correct the spelling, and to future generations your comment will make no sense. Don't you see? That goats cannot be lost by me here?

CHRIS GIVES OTHER MEN ORAL SEX!

HAHAHahahhHAHAHAHA

Can I just say in my defense that I was young, and the priest told me it was what Jesus wanted?

:: laughing and stopping abruptly ::

Now it's on. YOu know I love the lord.

Hey, why is it bad for the baby Jesus to cry? Babies often cry for no reason at all, or dippy reasons like a crayon being moved out of reach or fouling their swaddling clothes.

I'd be more worried about making grown up bearded Jesus cry. With babies you can always shut their bedroom door and turn the music up.

I see you've read my parenting tips.

god you people really are godless.

If you'll remember from the VERY BASIC CHRISTMAS CAROL AWAY IN A MANGER:

"The Little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes"

I was taught in Sunday school and by exasperated babysitters everywhere that Jesus never cried or threw a tantrum or pouted or sassed. HE NEVER SASSED, you hear me?

From the day he was born, he never was a bother to his parents.

So if you make the baby Jesus cry, you must be really fucking shit up.

But let's agree with Isaac, it's PARTICULARLY worrisome if you're making the grown-up bearded Jesus cry. You'd have to be one serious cold-stone hella harsh dude.

you have ALWAYS loved isaac best. ALWAYS

:: sassing ::

And if he had a dog I'd feature its picture too - WHAT OF IT.

HAMAL!

Citibank:

You don't need money to love children. Might as well give it to us.

Once again. Mondo at center stage.

It's good we're not letting those deadbeat small business owners - the ones who've been using their "sorry, I'm still fighting in Iraq" lame excuses - off the hook for their companies' demise and bankruptcy.

If you can't compete with CostCo and WalMart and BestBuy, maybe you shouldn't be in the business, you know?

Think about it, ok sweetie

:: playfully ruffling despondent man's head ::

It's also good we've relaxed restrictions on Walmart, allowing them to move into banking and forcing hopeful small shop owners to reveal their buisiness plans. It's good for Walmart: crushing the competition before it's hatched helps keep them competitive, or something.

I always rooted for Goliath against the little turd with the slingshot.

May I respond?

There really isn't anything I hate more than the ending of My Fair Lady. Let's say the two guys are boyfriends. OK. Fine...but don't lead the retarded girl on into thinking you're in love with her for a joke. What is this? The Company Of Men? Could they possibly have treated Eliza more like a piece of shit or what? Don't get me started on the end of the King and I. A slow motion apocolypse would be a happier ending than that.

My shirt is a bit too tight today

smutpipe: Is it free?

The problem with spam is people respond to the "to get off this list click here" and then the vicious cycle continues.

I'm addicted to stupid Bookworm as much as you are to N. I drop tiles in my sleep.

This isn't one of my typical snarky, antisocial posts. More of a straightforward question because I feel I am always three paces behind e-culture.

Why do spammers mis-spell words like Viagra and Asian with numbers?

Because I can enter a spam blocker that says "any email that says "viagra" or "knock down walls with your cock" goes immediately to the trash.

They alter it to get through filters.

I think.

I think that's right, too. But there is also the hacker subculture that deliberately mispells for different reasons, I think.

Damn you sir. It was the height of irresponsibility to introduce 'N' to me. As if I didn't lose enough hours of my youth to LodeRunner. God help me if they introduce a level editor.

Yours in damnation.

Oh, my friend. My poor friend. It is my sad duty to report to you that...

THE LEVEL EDITOR IS BUILT-IN.

(At least on the PC side)

Thank you for the answer to my spam question.

In return I can tell you that leeches, at least the medicinal variety, have 32 brains. I don't know why.

I haven't tried 'N' yet because I'm afraid of its addictive nature (as Relpek has confirmed). I heard recently a comedy sketch in which a young man arriving in heaven was reminded of his life's work: how many computer solitaire games he'd won.

I'm picturing you running like Bill Murray in Rushmore.

Friend Chris and Friend Jessica have a long, storied, rocky, illustrious, tempestuous, disease riddled history, in which, on a DAILY BASIS, they would engage in hours long IM conversations containing such gems as:

jarbabyj: and it's also been a personal rule of mine to never say:
jarbabyj: "Yes, I have freedom, but at what price?"
jarbabyj: at any time
cmccaleb02: WHAT PRICE FREEDOM?
cmccaleb02: I like to use the "what price" mode of asking things in every day situations, though
jarbabyj: WHAT PRICE TALENT?
cmccaleb02: What price these jeans?
cmccaleb02: What price this CD? I can't seem to find the sticker.
jarbabyj: WHAT PRICE SNOW CONE?

and

jarbabyj: SEND IN THE CLONES
jarbabyj: DON'T BOTHER, THEY'RE HERE
cmccaleb02: WE'RE HERE! WE'RE QUEER! WE DON'T WANT ANYMORE CLONES!
jarbabyj: NO CLONES NO PEACE
jarbabyj: KNOW CLONES KNOW PEACE
cmccaleb02: IN CASE OF RAPTURE THIS CAR WILL BE UNMANNED (BUT DON'T WORRY, MY CLONE WILL TAKE THE WHEEL)
cmccaleb02: (SINCE, AS A CLONE, HE HAS NO SOUL)
jarbabyj: HANG UP AND CLONE!
cmccaleb02: VISUALIZE CLONES
jarbabyj: MY HONOR STUDENT IS A CLONE
cmccaleb02: MY OTHER PASSENGER IS A CLONE
cmccaleb02: MY CLONE CAN BEAT UP YOUR CLONE
jarbabyj: CLONES ARE MY CO-PILOT

and a SIX PAGE LONG LIST of Website Titles/Band Names that is likely never to be equalled again in our lifetime.

During the course of our discourse we became masters of the nitpick,tyrranical typo hounds, grinding innocent keyboard slips into the ground like so many spent Camel lights. As it happened, if one made a typographical, hyper emotional or ridiculously political slip up, it resulted in 'getting the other's goat', which soon became a game of "Goat getting", completely encased in the :: :: double colon code for "action" in IM conversations. After winning a particularly long argument, one would pause and type:

:: gently herding goats in to lush green field ::

or

:: gathering goats into arms, skipping away ::

But if the opponent didn't feel he had lost (I say HE, because very often Chris was the loser), he would

:: snatching goats back with a vengeance ::

or some other variation thereof. Sometimes, one would notice their mistake before the other and actually:

:: sending goats by the boatload to your pasture ::

And so it has carried on to this day. I believe at this time, most of my goats are with Chris in California, but I did get a handful back this afternoon when Chris referred to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as a popular Fox t.v. show. Kudos.

Next time, if there is a next time: The Everlasting Dinner Party.

My greatest fault was consistently typing chris' name as "Christ", which, as you can imagine, ended in both hilarity and blasphemy

I still have that website name list somewhere, although not electronically.

Kitty Sweater Militia
Jenny Jones As Much As Killed That Guy

and of course;

The Third Mutant Hand

So, in plain English, you're having an affair.

You've got your papers gathered neatly in one hand and your Swingline brand stapler in the other. You clamp the stapler jaws around the pages and squeeze them together. No satisfying ker-clunk happens because the stapler is empty.

Do you try it again once or twice though? Huh? Do ya?

Looks like isaac's been partaking a of a little of the 'ganja' again. Dope, weed, mother nature's hair...

Well, yes. The glaucoma, you know.

I read recently about an ongoing study in Spain where they have found cannabis (more specifically, THC) can help prevent memory loss in Alzheimers sufferers. Perhaps another forthcoming check mark in the 'Reagan was wrong about this' column?

It also has intoxicating side-effects which are of course sinful. One should never take drugs to feel better.

Borderline OC, as in a hip youngster t.v. show or borderline OCD?

:: welcoming goats ::

Actually, "OC" is fine in this context, so there WILL be a transfer of goats, but from your field to mine. Goats... GOTTEN.

And extra points to me for the correct usage of "actually."

You down with OCD? Ya, you know me.

Is it yeah for yah, or is that pronounced yeh?

Yeah you know me

YAY! PUDDING!

Yea or nay

An unrelated note to all pregnant women: If you're having your photo taken, please cradle both hands delicately across your womb (one higher than the other, please) and cast your eyes downward the way you might in a thoughtful moment.

Back to OCD...

And let's have your hair in a low ponytail falling over your shoulder, shall we?

Also, to the cat hanging off the tree branch: REALLY look like you're struggling to hang on there. Let's get those eyes wider. That's it. Come on, really look like you're pissed off there. Yes. YES! YES! IT'S MONDAY MORNING AND YOU ARE PISSED! YES! YES! HANG IN THERE!

YES!

YES!

I've worked with better.

But not many.

And if you're a patient having your photo taken for a medical website, laugh and smile at the doctor. Do not, under any circumstances, look sickly, chemo-bald, bloodied or like you need to see a doctor.

If you're the doctor, wear a stethoscope so we know.

If you're a group of doctors, make sure the photographer stands above you at about 45 degrees so it'll look like you're popping off the page. It would be better if you aren't doctors but attractive models, a good mix of ages and cultures please, in white coats. Only one or two of you need the stethoscope but stand close together so we know you're a team.

Also, to all the new moms showing up for the Anne Geddes calendar tryouts. It would be helpful if you could have your babies in the peapod suits BEFORE Ms. Geddes arrives. She really doesn't like to be kept waiting.

And for those with fat babies, the tomato suits are right over there.

Ladies, PLEASE. If you HAVE TO ASK, then YES, your baby is fat! OVER IN THE TOMATO LINE.

I'd like to see Anne Geddes take it further, putting those adorable vegetable babies into salads, casseroles and other healthy meals.

Maybe Wegman's Weimerauners can come over dressed up for the feast. They should be reminded to stare gormlessly at the camera.

now you've started something with isaac the brit

"Brit?" That sounds suspiciously like one of the "other countries." You know how I feel about that.

Brits say "monday week" and they also refuse to put THE in front of hospital

"We took mom to hospital yesterday"

EXCUSE ME? TALK RIGHT!

Look, it's not their fault. Apparently the colors on their flag DO run, and their country is not #1, as the overwhelming lack of bumper stickers to the contrary force me to believe. So how would you feel? Give them a break.

Monday week I understand but hospital should follow the same rule as school (so nononononononononono on that one).

One that gets me is the time...It's either "quarter to" the hour or "quarter past". Never, ever is it "quarter OF."

"It's a quarter of four!" Really, what is it one then?

Also, in this context the example should have read "We're taking MUM to hospital."

"Quarter of" also is confusing, no truck to be had with that.

Don't forget about those people woh COULD care less.

Really? You COULD? Because I think that you're so stupid that I COULDN'T care any less.

TOOLS!

what does woh mean?

You're gonna find out tonight, BITCH!

harsh.

but fair.

Those last few comments painted a picture of lovely marital harmony. I for one, am glad that I was able to enjoy and know their way of life. Thank you so much to Jessica and Brian for that insight. Just know, that as you curse and beat one another, the Lord is watching. He is right now. He has just walked into my room. Hello Lord! Welcome, come have a sit down. I have been waiting for you Lord. Cookies? Kool-aid?

Agreed X 1000. "I could care less" has to be one of the weirdest things people say.

But what if what they are trying to say IS that the could, possibly, care less.

"Hear about the Michael Jackson case?"

"Yes, but I could care less about it."

Maybe that person is simply trying to let you know that it's possible that they COULD care less about the topic. Maybe they feel back that they care so much about it, and are thinking perhaps that they could, nay SHOULD, care less about it.

They just said "I could care less" on the Golden Girls. I am reporting this for your own amusement. Yes, I watch the Golden Girls. Enjoy.

She's so ugly I wouldn't fuck her with Bea Arthur's dick.

Poor Dorothy, she always gets the "shaft".

If I remember correctly the Constitution and Declaration of Independence both borrowed heavily from European philosophers as well as the Romans and Greeks. I guess Europeans only had good ideas before the 1780s.

If I had a family, I would model my governing body after that of Iran. My children would follow those rules, as well as my spouse. What's the issue here?

Are you kidding? I just THOUGHT about other countries and the next thing I knew I'd cut off my wife's head! Iran is some crazy shit, man!

I guess no country should adopt our form of government because it wasn't "their idea". Or we should get rid of the Ten Commandments because we wouldn't want to follow Jewish law. Let's make our own up from scratch.

God forbid the other 6 billion people on the planet should have any good ideas or are more moral than we are.

I also like the fact that he uses Iranian Law as a joke, to settle divorce cases, but is okay with the fact that Iran is one of the few countries along with the U.S.(until now) that uses a juvenile death penalty.

Finally, I believe the Constitutional justification was cruel and unusual punishment. Or did Lileks have that stricken from the Constitution.

Plus anyone who uses the word penumbra should receive the death penalty or at least a good horse whipping.

America Fuck Yeah
Doin' the Job to Save the MOtherfuckin' DAY YEAH
*****

Isn't Ironic, don't you think, that the finest example of modern day democracy is...

you guessed it

Germany.

If we didn't take ideas from other countries we wouldn't have beer or Nascar (motor car racing was started by those pesky French) or a language.

I'm amused by men who are unashamed to admit that progress angers and unnerves them. I can't wait for xenophobia to go back out of style.

But you have to admit, Xenophobia was one of the most rockin' hair bands of the 80s.

That depends: Where did rockin' hair band Xenophobia come from?

Well, not exactly the same, but in the original "Dawn of the Dead", Peter shouts @ the bikers, when they shoot @ him, "Now we've got a war!"

Why not let the US Army give you a war?
http://www.americasarmy.com/
You paid for it.

Who paid for it? Not me, I never pay taxes.

I KID! I KID THE I.R.S. BECAUSE I LOVE!

The original WolfMan w/ Lon Chaney Jr., Claude Rains and Bela Lugosi? Hello?

I knew that was coming, and have to admit now that while I DO love the old classics like that, they do NOT scare me in quite the same way as newer movies!

But there are tons of movies I have NOT seen. What classic horror films do you find truly scary?

Nosferatu and Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Not so much scary, as creepy. Things did not get scary til the 60's. At least as far as I am concerned. It all got crazy w/ Psycho...pardon me.

Horror of Dracula w/ Christopher Lee was a good one. Hammer @ its finest.

I agree - things did not get scary until the 60s. Maybe Psycho is the watershed. Nosferatu / Caligari are not scary or creepy to me, but surreal. And Hammer does not provide actual scares but a sort of agreeable Guignol du Fromage.

I think "scary" is the films that broke new ground. Psycho, Night of the Living Dead,The Exorcist, Halloween, The Blair Witch Project. You push the right buttons, and you will get the desired reaction, but the films that really tried something new, are the ones that will be remembered and that were genuinely terrifying. All of the knockoffs work, up to a point, but it is always obvious you are watching a knockoff. Scariest film to me is Blair Witch. The realism and hopelessness. The darkness. No idea what is really out there. No gore, no special effects, just horror and the sounds of silence. Good stuff.

I am not sure if you have seen this, but a big recommendation for Suspiria. I am not a huge Argento fan, but this is really a great piece. Dizzying...

Y'know, klugula, I am really glad to hear someone else give The Blair Witch Project some props. When I tell people that it scared the bajeezes out of me, they all die laughing at me. I attribute it to the fact that they have no imagination. Fact is, I knew it was a movie, unlike some folks who thought it was TRULY a documentary, and it still kept me up at night. Here's the successful recipe that they used--they showed us nothing. Seriously, my imagination can freak me out more than anything you can ever show me on film. The right amount of suspense, the right amount of edge of your seat camera angles, BAM! I'm seeing a kid in the corner everytime I close my eyes for weeks.

1. Company of Wolves – I always thought this was erotic and tended to sympathize with the wolf.
2. An American Werewolf in London – watched it when I was 12 in a double feature at the Egyptian with the Gate. Loved it =D
3. Silver Bullet – & no, I’m not talking about the popular vibrator
4. Howling – seedy, but I liked it…
5. Underworld – Kate in leather… need I say more?

I don’t suppose ilsa: she wolf of the ss counts does it ;)

But if you DO want to talk about popular vibrators, I'm always available.

See, I did not know anything about it. I saw it when it was in very limited release. I read the tagline, and went in. I was 99% convinced it was real. The only moment that I questioned it, was one of Heather's over the top blabbings. That quickly disappeared though, and the movie left me numb, disturbed and on the verge of tears. I have seen so many horror films in my day, it was a genuine shock that it bothered me so deeply. The chills I had when they were running in the end, and Heather screams, "There's a house!" I thought I was going to die. I have not watched it all the way through since it was first released on video. Don't know if/when I will view it again. Icky stuff.

I heard Hammer Studios is starting up again.

I agree with The Blair Witch Project being one of the scariest films. It demands an engaged and imaginative audience and works more on an emotional level than most horror films I've seen. Less is more; I've always found the unseen more frightening than creative makeup with extra helpings of blood.

I thought the first Alien film was pretty goshdarn scary too. The rest of the series veered into action flicks but the first was solid horror.

Expanding the arena into another area of scary geekdom: Resident Evil on the Gamecube. Cinematic, beautiful design in fixed camera angles forcing you to react to approaching off-screen sound (try it all alone, lights off with headphones) and plenty of panic and surprises. You could literally shit yourself but I don't advise it.

I played that once. I am a product of the original Playstation version. I spent so much time on that game, that I found it hard to commit to the same game, but with all new areas, scares, monsters, etc. But yes, the graphics are outstanding, and those games get my motor running. Super scary. I thought the movies were good scary, stupid fun also. Bad, but so good.

"Blair Witch" made me break out into a cold sweat. When I saw it the first time I had to splash my face with cold water after. I hope those guys made a lot of money.

"Alien" has to be one of the best films of any genre. Between that movie and "Blade Runner" Ridley Scott has influenced just about every sci-fi / horror film that came after. "Alien" also belongs with two other excellent movies, "Jaws" and "Exorcist," that are typically placed in the "horror" genre but stretch over into other categories.

Rosemary's Baby. Paranoia, Satanism, chocolate mousse, Ruth Gordon, Ralph Bellamy, that stupid Dr. Hill (Charles Grodin), the phone booth scene, the stopping of the cradle rocking w/ the knife (ugh), "he has his father's eyes", all that other good stuff.

Not intending to drag back in the recurring subject, I found it interesting to hear the Exorcist director's intent was to scare folk into going back to church.

That and presumably to help Mike Oldfield sell so his record.

It's not horror but Repulsion horrified me, unlike the Fearless Vampire Killers.

Night of the Living Dead also deserves some thumb uppage.

I have not seen many Polanski films, but I have heard good things about "The Tenant". Isn't that Polanski? Don't get me started on Romero. Chris knows, there will be no shutting up. In a good way of course.

For ultimate apocalyptic scares, the Dawn of the Dead remake. I may get some sneers on this one, but this movie scared me so much. I was trembling when it was over. Not particularly a "good" movie experience, but certainly memorable.

"Rosemary's Baby" is a completely unsettling. It's amazing to look at the many small things Polanski did in that movie to put us off balance. Imagine that movie being done today - we'd see the devil baby jumping out of the crib in dream sequences throughout.

When I watched Rosemary's Baby in a college film course, we discussed the scene of Mia Farrow in her bedroom. She is talking on the phone (I don't remember what was happening) and Polanski kept the camera outside the room, lined up w/ the door frame. Mia enters to pick up the phone and then disappears out of the shot. The conversation takes place w/ only the door in the shot. The whole time, I found myself moving my head to be able to see into the room, and what she was doing. Our teacher pointed that out, and we all agreed, that is what we were doing. That was such a great moment, realizing how manipulative great filmmakers can be.

I did a whole term paper on the subliminal manipulations that editors and directors used in The Exorcist to make it twice as scary, things you'd never even recognize or see.

The soundtrack to the actual exorcism has an underscore of the sound of angry bees and pigs being slaughtered, two sounds that strike fear into the hearts of men. Also the shadows in the room don't match up with anything, and of course, my personal favorite: injecting a bloody skull over the face of the preist every 32nd frame.

Watch The Exorcist frame by frame and you'll never sleep again.

I used bees for the soundtrack of "Intervention," too. They weren't angry, though. They weren't making much sound at all, now that I think about it.

In fact, all they did was sit around and mess up Kim's apartment.

I wondered what the honey flavored goo was.

A movie that scared the hell out of me in college, although not techinically horror was, A Clockwork Orange. I remember sitting in a dark dorm room and about half through it I was so disturbed I had to leave the room. So maybe not so much scary as disturbing. Sort of like Rosemary's Baby.

I have always heard, that if your eyes did not close when you sneezed, the pressure would pop your eyeballs right out of their sockets. What if Malcolm McDowell had to sneeze when he was being made to watch all the violent images? Think about it.

Clockwork Orange WAS very disturbing, except for that part where they caned the bum. I mean, people do that all the time!

Don't... they? Guys?

Oh come ON! Tell me you guys have never caned a bum!

I KID. I KID THE HOMELESS BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.

Oh a hobo. I thought by "caned a bum" you were being euphemistic.

I hate when comedians preface an impersonation with a completely implausible story.

"YOu know, I bet Pee Wee Herman would make a great Hamlet..."

No you don't. Just say you're going to do your funny Pee Wee voice and be done with it.

Impressions, as a rule, to me, are not funny. Sometimes, as the word would imply, they are IMPRESSIVE. Sometimes the performer sounds exactly like said star...but that's not...humorous, just...clever.

The reason my excitement for the movie Robots decreased by a factor of 70 is because Robin williams is in it. Even when he's just a voice he's hogging the whole movie with adlibs and one liners.

Chris, I really thought we were on the same wavelength with our perception of the universe, but, sadly, we are not. Tired? Perhaps, but c'mon, the guy gave us MORK! Mork, Chris! Don't you think he's earned the right to use some recycled Fudd jokes? One word...Mork.

Oh Foley :: patting your head :: that was thirty years ago!

But seriously. I think Robin Williams is very funny...but he's also a world class HAM. He tires me with his 100 mph comedy.

The man has given us so MANY things, Mork being of course the greatest. All I ask is that he now start giving us LESS of certain things.

I assume, friend Jessica, that you aren't including my James Mason impression in all of this.

That's right friends of Chris, it's mine. He stole it from me. Sorry, Chris, that had to be done. It's for the best.

Is it not enough that you have Chicago? Can I not enjoy James Mason dominion over the West Coast? Just for a little while?

When will the Midwest and West Coast James Mason gang war end? When will Mason and Mason put down arms and join each other at the Center of the Earth, in harmony?

Peace out!

And not just Mork, friends. What of his wonderful turns as Sy Parrish in One Hour Photo, or the creepy Walter Finch in Insomnia. It's not ALL just nanoo-nanoo, Ms Euphegenia Doubtfire, genie-in-the-lamp here.

He is a ham tho, and his character in Robots is probably the reason I most want to NOT see the movie since it just looks like a rehase of Genie + Dr Know + Rainbow Randolph Smiley + Every other manic character he's ever done, times 10.

My ex-girlfriend (shut your mouths) was a big fan of Robin, and her obsession w/ him led to a real hatred for the man. I got so tired of hearing about "Good Morning Vietnam" and "Dead Poet's Society". Of course, she probably got sick of hearing about my crazed Madonna worship sessions. Do you think that should have been a clue in, for her, and for me?

I don't mind him now, except for the reasons that Chris brought him up in the first place.

Some things might be better left to memory. I liked him for Mork and Mindy, but after seeing him recently (as Mork) on a poster for some rerun channel...I just don't know. I mean, that hair! Was it a wig? Can someone, regardless of how funny they are, really live with hair like that? I know I'm weak, but I'd off myself and damn well dramatically.

I didn't realize he was still doing comedy. I thought he only plays serious or cheerfully inspirational characters with tremulous voices now.

Garp, Mork, Mrs. Doubtfire, Mr. One Hour Photo, Mr. Insomnia, Mr. Goodwill Hunting, Popeye - YES, POPEYE - the guy in Survivors, and above all... Parry in Fisher King. He's done so many great roles, I just wish he'd lay off the Elmer Fudd... well, forever.

Isaac brings up an issue that Chris may not be aware of. Here in Chicago we have a new station, channel 23, METV. It is nothing, NOTHING but old, wonderful t.v. shows. Why, every day at 5:30 I can catch an episode of the Monkees...and what about The Mary Tyler Moore Show? Newhart? Cheers? Mork n Mindy? Yes. They're all here.

Yes, Webster too.

I believe it also has The Jeffersons. Is it this channel that has 227?

I believe so. In a dream world, there would be a two hour block configured thusly:

Monkees
Silver Spoons
Little House on the Prairie (prior to the arrival of NANCY)

I've been cravin' a little Too Close for Comfort myself. Jim J. Bullock. He was sure neat.

Yeah, Chris! Feel like moving back yet? If that's not enough, The Reader now has Get Yer War On.

Klugula, isn't it Jm (not Jim) J Bullock? I was once corrected on this and burned it into my impressionable virgin mind.

I would have to check my Hollywood Squares fan book, just to be sure.

I'll settle this. It IS in fat JM J.

It's fun to say because it's more of a guttural response.

JMMMM like you're eating caramel

JMMMMM j. bullock

Well, I will rest easier tonight. And my dreams will be filled w/ Jm. J. Bullock. But, they usually are anyway.

I could have checked too. Nasty, villainous rotton Isaac.

Just for the record, a bullock is a castrated bull. Almost Dickensian isn't it?