Some additional items to take away from these shiny-faced regressive adolescents:

Take away their internet. How can you enjoy the internet if you think freedoms of speech, ideas and belief are overrated?

Take away their genitals. For Chrissake do we want these people breeding?

Internet! How could I have forgotten that? Internet, and phones because they might transmit naughty text messages, and those video games that promote violence - censored.

Fellas, fellas, let's remember that these are AMENDMENTS we're talking about. If the Founding Fathers really thought they were important they would have put them in the actual Constitution. Instead, they tacked them on like so many potato bug study or cattle industry tax break riders.

If you really want to teach these kids a lesson, make them harbor troops in their room for a few years. That's how my parents taught me the importance of the Bill of Rights.

It's very brave of you to come forward with this in a semi-public forum. Pushing the 3rd Amendment on kids in their formative years is always so traumatic.

Rich, those were toy soldiers. Yes they were lead but you were only forced to eat a handful.

Next time I buy liquor for the neighborhood children they have to tell me the importance of our freedoms first.

What if it used in the phrase "Bantha Fodder"?

This post is nothing more than cannon fodder for those crazed "Spam Commenters" out there. Chris, have you got any good tips for Texas Hold 'Em lately?

I have to manually delete tons of Texas Hold'em invites every weekend. I also got an email from Voldemort offering an illegal download of the new Harry Potter book.

what a naughty voldemort.

Did you save that email? JK might find that to be fertile fodder for a lawsuit against he who must not be named, eh?

I hate 'at the end of the day' so so much. But like you said...why? why does it bother me to such an extent? I can't answer you it just does. I get sick whenever anyone just says "the industry"

god. GOD! STOP IT.

This reminds me of a similar phrase I hear from time to time: Welcome to Chicago.

Blizzard? Welcome to Chicago.
Cubs balls it up again? Welcome to Chicago.
Dog got sliced in half? Welcome to Chicago.

Almost as good as "don't like the weather? Just wait a minute" which every city uses as if rapidly changing weather patterns are unique to their city. I've heard it in Chicago, Rochester, Syracuse and Toledo just to name a few.

It reminds me of an Onion photo caption a few years back:

NYC Resident Sees Squirrel in Tree; Shakes Head, Smiles, and Says "Only in New York."

And I'm still laughing about "Dog sliced in half? Welcome to Chicago"

I wouldn't call it hilarious either, the comedy is more observational and a mite too subtle for roaring openly. I enjoyed it but now knowing Mr. Rosenbaum liked it I should revise my opinion.

If they had made it here they'd probably cast Zhang Ziyi as Maggie Cheung, or at least put her on the poster.

I think it's really a brilliant statement on American society that we have to actually get together en masse for a whole week and have special programs at school to learn that calling someone a name can hurt their feelings.

My initial response? Shouldn't a parent teach a kid things like that?

HATE CRIME! HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT A PARENT IS BEING LAX IN THEIR DUTIES!!!??!?!!?!

We can still go after albinos, right?

Albinos need the most love.

Don't be so tough on the world. Remember, many people are facing, "silent tsunami's of despair".
Think about it, won't you.

are you continuing to apostrophize tsunamis just to make me mad or is that how it was originally written?

It's a good idea, remember sticks and stones..."Words will never hurt me". Tell the kids not to waste time name-calling and go right for titty-twisters, thumpings and face-slitting. There will be injuries but that's the march of freedom, right?

It seems I have raped the laws of grammar once again. I apologize. I just have all of these apostrophes lying around and nowhere to use them.

Imagine what Bob and Doug McKenzie felt like when they found out that some hoser named Shakespeare horked their script for "Strange Brew" and wrote a play called "Hamlet" (or something like that).

TAKE OFF!!!

Keep the same idea, but change the name of the movie to, Meet the Parents III: The Focker Intervention. No one will even remember the other guys film.

totaling of sums Chris.

There will be a totaling of sums.

Perhaps I am insane, but aren't the bones, that of a jackal? Wasn't Damien born from a dog? They do talk about a jackal right? I saw this movie in college, and the only memorable thing was Peck's delivery of "These are knives, he wants me to stab him!" For years, my friends and I quoted that line, and it was a constant reminder of how much I disliked the film. But I saw it again recently, and it did not pain me as much. Although Goldsmith's score was/is creepy, I cannot hear the "dog is near-by" music w/out laughing. Good stuff!

I have seen none of the 3 sequels. Am I missing anything?

I don't believe it was that Damien was born from a jackal or any animal, I THINK what was going on was that Damien's actual mother had been murdered by the locals in that little Italian village, and for some reason they put the bones of an animal in the grave instead. Maybe because they knew Damien was the child of Satan? That can't be right. I don't remember!

I think you should see the sequels just once to say you had. The story really is VERY cool - that the Antichrist is being set up to be the President. And Sam Neill really is good.

My boy has confirmed that I am correct. He also believes that Damien was born from a jackal. The creepy priest says so.

You're right - I found the screenplay online to be sure. (http://www.screentalk.biz/scriptofthemonth.htm) They find two graves, one large, one small, in the "Grippe De Sant'Angelo" graveyard, which for some reason also has a statue of an "Etruscan Devil-God." In the mother's grave are the bones of a jackal, and in the small grave are the bones of a baby with obvious head injury. And somewhere in here Thorn (Gregory Peck) starts talking as if the baby killed and buried there was his actual son.

Why would they bury a jackal? Why does he think his real son was spirited away to Italy and killed? Am I going to have to read this whole screenplay now?

I do recall the priest saying that Damien was born from a jackal. So his "mother" was buried, along w/ the real son. I think you should check it out.

OK, here's the OTHER thing. At the movie's start Thorn and his wife live in Rome, (something I missed) which explains why his real son would have been buried there - if not why the Satanists would keep incriminating remains around, if not why they would bother to bury a jackal, and if not why a Satanic statue would be kept up in a Christian cemetary anyway.

I have now officially put more thought into this than anyone in history, besides David Seltzer the screenwriter. Thanks a lot. I'd better stop before I realize it's the best movie of all time.

Damien's mother was a wild jackal (scavenger, eater of carrion) and his father was Satan. When he was born the jackal died and was buried in the creepy Italian graveyard by Satan's followers. Damien was then swapped with Robert and Kathy Thorn's son so he could be raised by the powerful couple, their real son was murdered and buried beside the jackal. It's all very simple if you pay attention.

Thanks - maybe the reason I had such trouble remembering his jackal heritage is that I STILL think it is dumb that they would have then given the jackal a burial.

and let's talk about the commercials. We've got a guy balancing his kid on his hand and two old people playing ukeleles...supposedly while their money is in Citibank.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS YOUR POINT? You too can be a flagrant freewheelin' jagoff if you bank with us

Perhaps this is the (post) modern face of advertising. By seemingly not having a point, people who don't get the ads (analytically thoughtful people who notice and comment on their surroundings) ask or talk about it, then some guy from California writes about it in his blog. Before you know it you've just performed advertising, for free, mentioning the wonderful institution and services of Citib-

Dirty.

They've got a point. Christ didn't go in for this hippy tolerance and compassion. He was too busy with the Lord's Work: plotting terrorism on abortion clinics, and small carpentry jobs.

Sadly, I did not even give it a chance, since the ads did absolutely nothing for me. The crap factor has been confirmed, thank you Chris.

I have...never liked Patricia or her trashy sister Rosanna. Both of them can roast in hell for all I care.

I have never hated them, but have never gone out of my way to see their work. Patricia is all one level. I cannot recall any "intense" scenes in which I was actually convinced by her. Rosanna is ok. But all I have really seen her in is "Desperately Seeking Susan". If I had to choose, it would be Rosanna. But I would choose someone else altogether if possible. You get the point.

I liked Patricia in "Lost Highway," "Beyond Rangoon," and especially "Flirting with Disaster," but she did not rise above the writing in this horrid show.

woah. Did the government censor your Condoleeza Rice statements?

I took it down because I couldn't find the transcript of the hearings, and I wanted to be very specific. Curses!

If I had to pick a word that I would love to use more often, it would have to be: Creep.

I would like to add HOT DOG! as an expression of joy.

Creep is good. Another one occured to me: MISCREANT.

How about OH BOY! and SWELL!

For awhile, I used the Vern Tessio expression, "Sincerely." Elwood quickly put a stop to that. But I had not planned it. It just came out one day, and then continued til Elwood beat me up. Sincerely!

How about Marge Simpson's term; Crum bum. That's a great one.

My favorite nasty one is "C***sucker!"

Before anyone jumps on that, I was just trying to be polite. I don't actually call someone a C-*-*-* sucker. Ok?

Of course if you want to go back even further you've got, coxcomb and brigand. But my all time favorite is f*ckchop.

I ran into the guy who was talking to me about so feverishly about basketball the other day in the elevator. Without much preamble, he announced to me that the St. Minneapolis Cardinal-Hawks* had won last night. And then he just watched me for my reaction. Realizing a reaction would be needed, I created something like a pained expression on my face and then said "Don't get me started on the Cardinal-Hawks!"

And then he just kept on looking at me. I'd screwed up. I instantly realized that however I had sports-bluffed with this guy LAST time, I'd obviously taken the arbitrary position of being very much in FAVOR of the Cardinal-Hawks, and now here I was reversing that for no discernable reason. Also, I must have somehow said that I didn't like the Florida Marlin-Rays or the West St. Louis Oil Drums or the Colorado Wolverines, which is who the Cardinal-Hawks beat last night, and now here I was throwing my lot in with THEM.

I covered by asking how Shaq had played last night at least, and he gave me some highlights of the game. Then I said "Well, you can't really bet against Shaq," and that seemed to get me back on track.

*Obviously not their real name, but if I could remember their goddam real name, then I wouldn't be in this mess.

I don't even know enough about sports to successfully bluff someone. So I choose to tell the truth. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

~

I am unaware of many "computer speaks". What does that mean? I am sure it is an insult of some kind. Please explain.

~ in this case means "stop talking."

Will do.

And by the way, Klugula - I seem to remember a movie shoot day scheduled on a Cubs game day when you were just as excited about it as everyone else.

There are those rare occassions where I will get caught up in the hoopla, such as last years baseball playoffs, but in general I choose to remain silent, cuz I really don't follow any particular sport, or team. If I watch long enough, I can get the jist and terminology, but once I stop, it all goes away. So I am better off not commenting at all. Thus, you may erase all of my previous commentary. Thank you for your time.

I'm sorry. Your lies are indelibly recorded here for all time.

Maybe you could write something about the dangers of bluffing about not liking sports.

No, I won't steal your thunder.

IT'S FAR TOO LATE TO BEGIN WORRYING ABOUT STOLEN THUNDER.

I think the ~ was meant for me, by the way.

what about microchips in the head? Thats' got to be troublesome. Originally the mark of the beast was our Social Security Number, which is interesting, because it implied that the only people affected by end time prophecy were Americans. What we need is a WORLD WIDE mark of the beast, and I'm afraid microchip implantation with medical information is it my friends. Don't buy or sell goods without it.

In Mark of the Beast news, I see that not just Social Security Numbers, but RFID bar codes qualify. How is a Christian store like Wal Mart supposed to keep inventory and track consumer trends without fulfilling a prophecy?

I also see that Civil Rights and the Peace Process are end-times indicators. Does that mean more peace equals more Rapture? I'm so conflicted.

I've always been confused about that as well. I think it's because then finally Israel will be at peace in their own land. But THEN, they have to rebuild a sacred temple, and with todays construction unions, we all know how long that takes...am I RIGHT?

I think the peace process one is a primarily Zionist belief. Civil Rights? Seems strange.

Let's all remember that Revelations wasn't considered a book about the End Times until the late 1800s when some scholar decided it was.

Worth noting.

but let's stop talking about it, because it does keep me up at night worrying. honestly.

In no particular order:

1) Since the majority of the people I work around now are only about 4% as interesting as the people at the last job, I've developed a disturbing habit that I call "tonal listening."

This means that I no longer bother to listen to the words people are saying so much as wait for the breaks in their talking. Then, by inserting the appropriate vocal conjunction into their conversational pause, which I base on their tone of voice, I can effectively bridge my way through their statement and still seem to appear interested.

There's one guy that I can completely tune out with this technique, and thank God for it. Otherwise I'd have listened to the same story about his vintage corvette for the fifth time this morning. Another girl's conversation I hear solely as a woodwind-like drone with the occasional half-measure of rest - sort of like the way Charlie Brown hears any adult. And that's the way it HAS to be, because otherwise I'd be forced to hear her consider and reconsider every atom of detail about her wedding right up until the nuptials, which are - oh Christ - three months away. I'll be dead in three months if I have to know about her seating-arrangement anxieties and whether or not the fortune cookies should be lemon-flavored and whether her shoes will be too tight to dance and did she get the right rate for the hotels and will Aunt Dorothy mind doing the flowers for the aisles because after all she's a florist but will she mind doing her day-job at the wedding?

So far "tonal listening" is making me a perfectly passable conversationalist, at least by this place's standards. All I have to do is keep tabs of facial expressions at the last second of their sentences before the pauses, and I know what sort of mmm-hmmm or oh really is required of me. I'm like the guy who plays the triangle at the symphony. I swear it works.

And to be fair, I actually DID listen to the words people were saying for the first month I was here, but in all that time no one said anything of interest, and nothing that I said in return - and keep in mind that I was making really clever replies, or at least was trying to, as I'm the new guy here and trying to make a favorable impression - seemed to be of much interest to them, either. They don't get me. They never do. I never even get a "boy is he strange" glance, which means that in six months, they'll get it or a least pretend to. I just get blank faces when I make with the funny, as if their minds are just completely unable to parse the data I've just sent out, and will therefore ignore it as gibberish. Is this what comedians mean by playing the Catskills?

Bottom line, I've been using A material on these folks for about 5 weeks, trying to establish myself as the Technical Funnyman. And it's not working - either because I'm not that funny after all or the fact that every single person here lives in the suburbs, which I'm discovering seems to make a huge difference - so I'm phoning it in from here on out.

2) There's a lawyer here named Matlock. I haven't seen him in person yet, but can you IMAGINE the hell he must be living? Poor Matlock. I bet he'd get my jokes.

3) Regarding personal office decor: MORE THAN ONE PERSON here has an office or cubicle with a decorative theme so COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY dedicated to one animal AND THAT ANIMAL ONLY that it has to be pathological. One man has so many pictures of wolves in his office that I actually go tharn when I have to go in there. I try to stay as long as I need to, but I always end up sprinting out before he's through talking, my irises completely dilated and my tail between my legs, looking desperately for a thicket to hide in until I can get back to my warren.

Some sort of psychological reaction against modern office buildings? An effort to retain some sense of nature in a skyscraper? Perhaps, but a postcard of your vacation to Wyoming would suffice. Graphic illustrations of the entire genus and phylum canine lupus plastered on your walls is overboard.

I eliminated both my social skills in the mid-90's; you're a socialite Gandhi (but one who still kills bugs) in comparison.

I once suffered through a wedding-planning cubicle neighbor (and we had low partitions for "easy team communication"). You must admire their Zen-like ability to be remain focused on the mundane, like the forgettable pebbled texture of an invitation, their boundless optimism, in thinking they'll find a wedding photographer who won't hate them, and their discipline, refraining from talking of anything unrelated for sixth months. She made me want to eat glass.

Seems like you passed your endurance test with flying colors, whatever they are.

I would love for you to also experience the daily required morning discusson of the previous evening's reality show smash hit surprise twist that wasn't really all that of a surprise. Every day it's the same thing. Either that, or I get to hear how the people on "Lost" really aren't all that lost beacuse they all look too beautiful.

For example...
"I worked on a fishing boat for six weeks one summer. We showered in salt water every day. Let me tell you... your hair doesn't look that good after washing in salt water."

I think it's the lack of ability to suspend reality for sheer entertainment's sake that bothers me the most.

No... I don't think that Trista made the right choice. She's on a damn TV show isn't she? She subjected herself to the ridicule and scorn that she gets because she's getting paid for it. So no... I don't feel bad for her or anyone else on any other reality show for that matter. And I don't care which person has an alliance with which other.

Bottom line... I like to be entertained just like everyone else. However, the TV is not my only source of entertainment. And I can't stand to listen to you discuss it every single morning when I'm trying to actually EARN my paycheck.

Sorry for the hyjack/rant.

I am one of those "let's talk about the previous night episode" people. Does it become a problem if the rest of my staff are in the same boat?

hIjack.

Love you! Mean it!

I like to discuss t.v., but there are folks who repeat back every line of the script, complete with commentary as if I DIDN'T WATCH IT, when, in reality, the reason we're discussing it is because...wait for it...WE BOTH WATCHED IT.

There's a skill involved in talking about t.v. Only I have it. Well, and Brian. Brian and I are married and we know how to talk about t.v. to each other.

I think I am a pretty good TV talker. I discuss highlights, moments that got my motor running. A particulary sexy flash of skin, etc. I also discuss it in context of the quality of past episodes, and of course the exciting previews of next week. But I do not retell the entire story to someone that has already seen it. You are not the only good TV talkers. So there.

Brian - it's OK to hijack the comments. I'm also mystified by the Bachelor / Bachelorette reality thing. Not that people are so fascinated by it but why the bachelor / bachelorette gets such hell from the ones they pass over on the show. As if that's not the nature of the game. They should own up to the ultimate power they have; it should be called "Harem."

The key point to mention regarding my last comment was that this happens EVERY DAY. Now... I like tv and I watch tv. And I like to talk about it with others. But my problem exists with the competition that seems to exist between my coworkers as to how MUCH tv has been seen. There are people here who TiVo "The Simple Life" for God's sake!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!! There is also the argument regarding how something was too unbelievable (see the hair problems comment above). It seems that if I'm not able to tell the group something that I noticed that is non-parallel or unbelievable or nonsensical then I'm not "part of their group." It's just stupid.

And on those rare occasions where they discuss things that I've actually seen, I just sit, listen, and roll my eyes so hard that I give myself a headache.

However, it's also important to note that I'd rather masturbate with 60 grade sandpaper than participate in their "conversations." I'm simply irritated at the vehemency and the frequency of said "conversations."

Did I spell those words correctly?

sheesh. li'l crabby.

Ever conscious of my unabated negativity, I must say that I am blessed where I work currently (I'm a few floors below Brian and his sandpaper).

I say perhaps eight words in a day, if prompted by one of my quiet co-workers. Otherwise it's headphones on with internet radio.

Cripes, at work I'm listening to installments of Don Quixote, Anna Karenina, Where Angels Fear to Tread and We Can Remember It For You Wholesale (P.K. Dick) this week. Yesterday I listened to The Playboy of the Western World, David Sedaris reading his latest and a sociology program about the need of mankind to have carnivals and play with fire and why celebrations lose their spirit when co-opted and managed by business interests and rulebooks.

I love my silent co-workers (whom I hooked on the same internet radio) and the bloody great bloody marvelous internet. Happy, positive isaac. Frabjous Day, etc.

On the bright side, Wife Ami had already seen that episode.

It is a good point, and one I made to her later when my error was discovered.

For future reference, however, in this situation it was not an effective argument.

boy are you two thick. The whole point was so she could see herself on t.v., goofball.

Then commit a crime, and get on Cops, like everyone else. Duh!

There is an equally frightening orb that arrives at night, sickly pale, to shed blue light all over the darkness. Other beings live on that orb.

I have seen that one - I believe it to be in league with this new, more powerful one.

We have the sickly orange apocolypse sky here in Chicago lately, because it's so cloudy it reflects the snow and the amber streetlights and with a naked tree against it? It might as well be the poster for Carnivale.

As much as I dislike, and don't advocate the apocolypse, I like the orange sky that comes in winter...especially if it's snowing at night.

We have not seen the fiery orb here for at least a fortnight.

Heathens, talking about such things. It has all been planned by our Lord God, and ye shall not question such masterworks. Nor shall ye hurl stones at the Lord's doings. Go in peace, for He loves you. All the death and destruction of the past weeks is his way of showing that.

It is Texas Hold 'Em. On your knees!

so what do you drink in the morning? i'm a vodka man myself. then perhaps a nice carafe of shiraz in the afternoon ...

Is he hot?

You've passed the prediction stage, now you can move on to controlling this man. Might I suggest starting with piercing, unblinking eye contact? Perhaps turning to him over the sink or urinal and visibly searching for something to say. You can shatter this man.

now that's not entirely true! i saw the half hearted obligatory wave! ;)

But if a man waves at a baby and the mother didn't see it, can he truly be said to have waved.... AT ALL?

Is it safe to assume that you weren't working at home that day? Because if you were... that would be just too odd.

I think the obligation exists only if the baby is owned by a co-worker, not merely a guest. The coo-ers might have been out of line and overreacting or just practicing in this case.

The wave wasn't lost. God, Holy Ghost and Baby Jesus all smiled and jotted a note in some book.

That's right. The Lord and all of his angels, including me, love you for the wave. God Bless You!

I remember many years ago, the big earthquake in california that interrupted a monday night movie about a teenager raped by a cop (I was SO MAD that the movie was pre-empted)...but anyway..

the next day my mom said "you know...there's a lot of adult bookstores and porn companies in that area! Perhaps God is tryin to tell us something"

And now, when I look around this great land...if God were to smite every wide range area that contained an adult bookstore, well, a)there would be no more Wisconsin and b) why wouldn't it hit Los Angeles or HOllywood instead of San Fran?

my mom is quaint and strong in her beliefs. And I love her. Don't break bad on my mom.

When I hear talk of destructive natural forces being God's power and His teaching sinners a lesson (although killing people rarely teaches them anything), I begin to wonder if He regards our charity toward the survivors as some complicity in their sin. Are we, in effect, giving a getaway vehicle to escaped convicts?

That earthquake in San Francisco was probably ordered to destroy the saccharine "Full House" family, or at least provide material for a very special episode.

The Fred Phelps Family, proud owners of the God Hates Fags website, made famous by them protesting Mathew Shepard's funeral, assuring them that Fag Matt was roasting in hell, has attributed the Tsunami to God smiting the child sex trade in Asia.

A noble cause for sure, but then Howard Stern asked whether or not the CHILDREN RAPED IN THE SLAVE TRADE DESRVED TO DIE. The answer?

"Don't cloud the issue"

stupid innocent victims! CLOUDING THE ISSUE!

Again...

~

I love you brian.

~

I love you brian.

That fellow playing old King Kong is certainly growing an interesting resume: Gollum, King Kong, genius Martin Hannett.

The body of Gollum was fashioned after Iggy Pop.

Thank you. I'm here all day.

There's a King Kong remake? ;)

So you are well enough to be a smart ass, but not well enough to cook me food. Bah!

gosh. I got an ipod for christmas and I think its neato.

And I want an iPod because they are neato (although they only seem to let you share with one iTunes computer setup, making it difficult to swap and steal music).

Now that you mention it I have noticed some folks just trying to look cool: dressing as dancing silhouettes just like the ads.

What's wrong with that isaac? GOD!

Not a thing, I find silhouettes curiously stimulating.

I especially appreciate her comment: "I generally don’t admire people who get ahead on somebody else’s coattails". Is her unwavering support for George Warmonger Bush a flip-flop or just good old fashioned Republican hypocrisy? If it weren't for little Bush's Daddy (and their Nazi-laundered family fortunes) he'd still be drunk or stoned, jacking off into a Texas garbage can.

Ann Coulter is... I can't even come up with a funny retort. To say she gives conservatives a bad name is useless because even conservatives hate her. Every time someone spews shit like Ann Coulter does, Jesus packs ONE MORE BAG to get back here on the early train.

THANKS FOR BRINING THE END TIMES ANN.

And, and her comment about the four pillars of the GOP: the elderly, blacks, hispanics and blue-collar workers. Considering the people you hoodwink, undereducate and exploit your "pillars" is marvelous! America never had slaves, it had pillars.

I'm asking the wrong people I know but what is the appeal of this woman? Every interview with her I've read starts with comments on how radiant, stunning and beautiful she is. Is this a contractual clause for her participation? Even before I became acquainted with her politics, which I excuse as intense self-loathing turned outward, I thought she has the appearance of an overused low-end porn-star with a dash of undead. I'd take Julia Roberts, the Olson Mutant Twins, America's Equine Sweetheart, Gollum or even Rush Limbaugh's tempting buttocks over this gaunt flesh vase of bile any day.

I'm not sure that even conservatives hate her. SOMEONE'S buying her book, which has been on the top ten bestseller's list for three months. I think a lot of people are just fine with what she says.

I know for a fact, from hanging out at the Straight Dope that a lot of people buy her books for the trainwreck value. But sadly, you're right. Some jerkoffs think she's a dream come true. Conservative and fuckable.

Wait a minute....sounds like me.

Never been a huge fan, but her husband is cute, and she did star in one my favorite 80's flicks; Girls Just want to Have Fun. So she is not all bad. Is she?

Much like with Julia, I'm not denying the talent, I'm just wondering - whence comest all the adulation? And her husband needs a good role, tout suite.

He should have retired in to, as Mike Tyson says, Bolivian after Ferris Bueller. THE BE ALL END ALL OF FILMS AND CHARACTERS.

That could be argued, but not very easily.

Chris what you're suffering from is the irritability some of us face when we are served media-designated "celebrities" rather than audience-created "stars".

The former are known more for appearing on magazine covers (or the vapid "what they wore" pages), talking about their private lives, press junkets, talk-shows and attending parties than an output of consistently strong, unique or engaging work. They have talent that can't be denied since it's what they rest on, like surrogate laurels. Occasionally the Academy Awards throws them a bone and the media reminds us why we are supposed to love them with marvelous stories about how they lost weight or changed their hairstyle after giving birth. Fat chance you'll ever hear a reporter asking one of these celebrities how they researched the role or what attracted them to the character and story, unless it involves weight change. These actors are often miscast in period films so producers can get budgets.

The latter are known more for their (body of) work. They often aren't photogenic enough for the magazine covers and aren't interviewed so often because they are reluctant to talk about their private lives; they'd rather talk about their work (i.e. why the audience likes them). They collect Best Supporting Oscars and often look for ways to grow as actors, rather than repeating similar roles they know their fans are comfortable with. They usually don't rely on talent because they use developed skills and hard work in realizing the character. Some of these types are prone to honesty in talking about the industry or L.A., where they don't usually live.

There you have it: style or substance, red state or blue. Yes, you're crazy if you don't like America's Sweetheart or God's President Bush.

Sounds like something you would have written whilst in London.

I like it.

I would like nothing more than to read this, but for some reason, all of your a)quotes in shaded boxes and b) seemingly cut and pasted passages are in the World's Tiniest Font (tm) which renders them as hieroglyphic dots.

This is why I can't ever get into the political discussions.

Also, for your i, Anna Quindlen said she was glad Christmas was over because the Christian Majority is SO OPPRESIVE with their celebrations.

You know how we are. We hold people down and beat them to death unless they sing Good King Wencelaus...ALL THE VERSES.

It may be an eyesore, that's true. But hell, if I threw my back out for an hour shovelling snow to remove my vehicle, I would not want some schmo to come by and take advantage of my hard work. But, that is why I purchased a parking spot in my building. I always have it reserved, except when the maintenance men believe us to be gone, and decide to take the spot and then we return earlier to find our spot taken and then have to search the building high and low to find the culprit. Nothing worse than that. Parking spaces suck.

I also got irritated when Schmo came along to take advantage of my finely-sculpted car hole. That's why, when I lived in such climes, I recycled the snow I shoveled away, using it to form the walls of a protective igloo around the space, which could withstand all assault.

But I also think there's a business opportunity going to waste here. Why not some sort of decorative, attractive space-holder? It's not that I mind people reserving a space they've shoveled, it's just that some use their damn garbage to do it.

Perhaps something crafty fashioned out of macaroni glued to a board? How about something with a banner insisting that their favorite sports franchise is superior to another? Glitter and glue can be employed to make any otherwise foreboding barrier festive! How about using one of those controversial nativities I keep hearing about? What Would Jesus Do? He wouldn't park here, that's for sure!

Why can't everyone be happy that they provided a parking space for others and in the future that kindness will be repayed as a parking spot to you. If you look at it like "YOUR PARKING SPOT" that leaves very little parking anywhere else in the world, since every place that can occupy a car, HAS been occupied, snow or not.

Altruism people. Just shoveling the snow for the greater good should be reward enough.

When we used to live on Fletcher, this guy tried to organize a block party to shovel out EVERY SPOT (with everyone's help) and then we wouldn't have to worry about it. On the day that was the day...he was out there all alone. No one helped.

Me? I have a bad back.

What about white collar criminals keeping the streets shovelled?

what about you taking your liberal agenda and shove it right up your meatus?

How about you get your lawn chair and mop bucket out of the street, Cousin Eddie? And while you're at it send another batch of this granola with cranberries, which I'm eating out of the can with my hands. GET ON IT.

Before I said I was eating the granola with my hands to be funny - now I actually am.

My parking-spot-in-the-snow story happened not to me but an old co-worker. So it's her story, not mine (but another reason I'm glad my old car no longer owns me).

She slaved away, removing the snow, for the appropriate time that impress upon others you've suffered. She had the familiar thought: since she had removed public snow from a public road, that slice of road now belonged to her. To safeguard her dubiously acquired tarmac real estate she left a chair standing while she parked her car elsewhere, presumably someone else's tarmac real estate, for eight hours.

When she returned home to her clear spot, the chair was still there but she was annoyed to see it in the back seat of another car occupying the spot. She screamed and cursed then probably lived happily ever after.

Don't hold back!

was there a bitch slap of any kind? Preferably by Clive?

You will like Clive in it. He is very good, displaying plenty of the manly qualities so prized by today's women, as well as moments of vulnerability and pathos. He takes us right to the brink of bitchslap, but because it is Julia, the slap is not joined.

Alas - that still does not make the movie worth it.

F. F. F. F.

All I ask for is a little violence in today's films. Is that too much? Apparently the answer is yes.

Will you be seeing White Noise? I wet my pants a little bit with terror just seeing the previews

I don't like the preview to White Noise, especially at night. As I told Chris, the movie to see is Phantom. What a rare joy. I just loved every minute of it. Such good acting and...I cannot continue this charade. The movie bit giant ass. I really tried to like it, but it did not happen.

is there a bitch slap in it? Preferably by the Phantom? Does the Phantom do any sexual menacing that couldn't be shown on the broadway stage? The promise of further sexual menacing and kidnapping is all that will get me to go.

And is the guy who plays Phantom hot in anyway? I mean, aside from the hideous disfigurement?

Yeah, he is cute, and so is Raoul. But it did not save the hideous acting and the lone (count it, one) hang-dog expression that Emmy Rossum displayed as Christine. A little variety maybe? This was the first film that I can recall that made me want to leave the theatre. My fellow attendees loved it. Not sure what happened. Good supporting cast, Miranda Richardson, and Minnie Driver. God love her, she saved the movie. She was really quite good. No bitch slapping, but I may have missed that part when I was examining my inner eyelids.