January 29, 2008
The Patterns of Nature

Had a yelling argument with Lady Landlord on the phone. The reason? Well, primarily because she's crapulent, but specifically because I'd changed a lightbulb in the hall after it was out for about a month.

ME: Just wanted to let you know I changed out that bulb, so if the maintenance men are coming to do it, you can stop them.

LADY LANDLORD: I bought a lightbulb for that light.

ME: OK. Well, it's been out for a month. And when I asked Man Landlord when it was going to be changed, he said he had no way of knowing. He also said he didn't have a lightbulb. So I got one and I changed it.

LADY LANDLORD: I'd really prefer you didn't do that.

ME: I'd also prefer not to have to do your job.

LADY LANDLORD: And while we're on the subject, let me clarify something for you and your wife - we do not work for the tenants, we work for the OWNERS. I do not appreciate your tone or the tone of your wife's notes to me. We do not work for you, we are not at your beck and call. I'd also like to point out that you are welcome to go at any time. You're not under a lease, and there's nothing in any agreement about the common areas.

ME: Thanks, I'm aware that I can leave at any time - but as long as I am paying rent we have a right to expect things to work around the building.

LADY LANDLORD: No you don't. You can leave at any time. We don't work for you, we work for the Owners.

ME: OK, that's absurd, so let's stop talking to each other. I'd love to talk to the owners.

LADY LANDLORD: Oh they'd love to talk to you.

ME: Then can I have their contact information?

LADY LANDLORD: Oh I'll send them over. (click)

This was after Ami's encounter with her the other night, when the laundry machines wouldn't work:

AMI: The laundry machine isn't working again.

LADY LANDLORD: It's probably because the quarters are stuck again.

AMI: (After a beat, waiting for there to be more information, but, there isn't) OK... well, whatever the reason, they aren't working.

Well, I think we can all agree that I got some good zings in there, but I took no pleasure in it. Talking to the Lady is like talking to a functionally retarded person, like Forest Gump but without the geniality or the tripping merrily through history, and kind of evil. Even at this late date I still have amazement at a person that chooses bitchery when common decency would have been just as easy.

So here we are again. I guess the owners must be the mob or something because she seems confident that they'll kick my ass.

Thanks to Brian for recovering this playlet from the email ether for me.

Posted by Chris at 1:34 PM

It's nice to see you blog again. It's been about a month.

I miss you!

Posted by: BigFatBrian at January 29, 2008 12:56 PM

Sorry to hear about the landlord strife. Must be a common LA thing; my own experience wasn't much more positive. I had to point out the fundamental absurdity in their policy of requiring three months notice when moving out of a month-to-month lease, because I hadn't lived there long enough to give the required notice. I found playing the "you're screwing the little guy!" and "that's not very Christian of you" angles particularly effective in recovering my deposit from that Hollywood rat-hole.

I think your landlords are half right: they don't work.

Posted by: simon at January 29, 2008 9:23 PM