FattyFat Traffic Report: 4/30/04

OK, I'm not kidding this time - I really DID have to slam on brakes to save the life of not one but TWO bikers making a run for it across an intersection today. And not just across - they were turning left as well. I guess the real question is, why wasn't I watching more carefully? I was the one in the gas-guzzling Tercel, after all.

FattyFat Traffic Report: 4/22/04

Two bikes at red lights, no stopping.

Since bikes are traffic and I am traffic, I decided to sort of just roll out into the intersection at the next light too, and make my way across the street in the gaps between cars.

Oddly, there was much honking and cursing, and also I got a ticket. What's up with THAT?!?

I read somewhere that it was axiomatic that any topic on any message board will inevitably degenerate into someone being compared to Hitler.

Similarly, any conflict with FattyFat will inevitably result in him playing his trump card for debates, the Levying of the Rush Limbaugh Insult.

STOP PRESS: Just went to lunch and was nearly hit in the intersection by a bike running the red light. I'm not making this stuff up, folks. But it was OK, because he was... TRAFFIC.

FattyFat Traffic Report: 4/22

Five bikes spotted; of those I only saw three at traffic lights / stop signs, and two of those breezed right through. The other stopped and got off her bike to walk it across. It was actually a poignant moment to see. Didn't she realize that she was a part of Fattyfat's transcendant grouping of "Traffic," which is to say that she is above all laws of traffic?

And shame on FattyFat for revealing a story I gave to him on deep background about how Wife Ami went against my claims that every drive is a biker's life saved. Shame! Shame!

Fattyfat Traffic Report: 4/21/04

Passed just a few bicycles on the way to work, all in the bike lane. Only saw one bicycle at an intersection, though, and he didn't stop for the red light- just sort of breezed on through. He made it through OK, though! The people in cars were watching out for him!

Critical Ass

FattyFat once more contends that bicyclists have the moral right-of-way on our city's streets, and if you aren't tolerant of basically anything they want to do, you are an SUV-driving Cheetos-eating yuppie.

I contend that the majority of times I drive my car I end up saving a biker's life.

In the spirit of honest inquiry, I ask both car and bike drivers everywhere: on your next commute, note how many bicyclists you see stopping at the signs and lights.

Note how many you see driving in a lane and not down the shoulder or the center line of the road.

And while you're at it, note how many are actually following the rules the same way you have to up in that big gas-guzzling SUV that you must be driving, you big terrorist crum-bum soccer mom yuppie jerk.

Once Again I Save America from Fascism

FattyFat responds, and I also got a comment.

Let me make it clear that I would like to increase the number of people that are engaged in the issues. That would certainly lead to greater voter turnout. But I think the way to do it is through positive reinforcement (You get $50 off your taxes) instead of negative (You owe the government $50 if you don't vote.)

My problem with FattyFat's "Fine the Voter" initiative is not that "anything less than 100% compliance makes it not worthwhile," as he suggests. My problem is that if you could accomplish the same thing without curtailing freedoms, why wouldn't you?

Curtailing freedoms? Yes. Our freedom to vote here also carries with it the freedom NOT to vote. You are free to be a lazy, unpatriotic bum if you want. As amazingly absurd as it sounds, men have died so that some dumb shit can be gleefully unengaged about society but have all kinds of detailed opinions about which girl the Bachelor should have picked. And levying a fine on someone for not coming out to the polls is just a way of curtailing that freedom.

And it's vital that voting remain a right and not an obligation. Surely the right to express your opinion is only meaningful if it's totally voluntary?

I'll say it again: if someone asks for your opinion and you choose not to give one, then you have given one.

I also suspect of these kids that are wearing the VOTING IS FOR OLD PEOPLE shirts, that yet one more negative reinforcement at this point in their lives would tip the scales the wrong way. Instead of educating them that their opinion matters and they can make a difference, we're telling them this is just one more thing they HAVE to do, like pay taxes and spend $75 on a sticker for their license plate.

As easy it would be to force people to the polls, the game remains the same: if you think someone is wrong or just unengaged, then it's up to YOU to change their minds with great ideas and brilliant presentation. It's not up to the government to make it a chore for them. (P.S. Our government, by the way, is PERFECTLY happy with voter turnout just the way it is.)

And speaking of the difference between rights and obligations - I DON'T equate the right to vote with a (potential) obligation to do some form of national service. It's dubious for me to drone on about it, because I am far past the age of military service, plus if anyone was ever 4F it would be me, but I DO think service would be a good idea for young people, IF it took the place of paying certain taxes and also made it very easy for them to go to school, if not free. I would consider it appropriate in the same way paying taxes is appropriate!

The Li'lest Fascist

You won't hear about this on FattyFat's site, because he is probably not yet ready to reveal his true, fascist nature to America, but I understand he is going to be coming out in favor of COMPULSORY VOTING.

That is, on election day you would be required to go and vote or be fined $50 or so. He cites Australia, where this system is in place and voter turnout is 97%.

Like him, I am appalled that only a fraction of our population manages to get themselves to the polls on election day. It requires such a minor effort. Me, I get a charge out of going down the block to the polling place and voting. There's a real sense that what I'm doing will have some consequence, and not just because there's a very real possibility that I punched the wrong holes on the butterfly ballot and accidentally kept the Empire in power.

It's because it's the only time besides April 15th that I get to barely indirectly interface with the government I complain about so much for the rest of the year. The poll-workers smile and thank me, and we all beam with pride that we've done our part. And not to be a government geek, but at that point I remember that there are people in the world just dying for the right to do what I just did.

Considering what some people have gone through for it, it seems lazy not to.

But I don't think we want to start forcing people to do it. It seems to me that if someone can't get their shit together to make it to the polls that day, or if they haven't attended to the barest scrap of information throughout the year to have an opinion, then I don't want them there anyway.

FattyFat wants to know the true, complete "voice of the people." But we're already hearing the voice of the majority of the people. What they're saying is, "I'm too lazy to keep up with the issues or even take a half hour just to vote along party lines. So I'll go along with whatever you guys decide this term."

And I say, fine! I'll be glad to order for you! But no complaining when you don't like what the waitress brings.

I don't want some surly 19-year old punching in ballot holes in the shape of a penis because he's pissed that he had to tear himself away from huffing aerosol fumes for 30 minutes. Because what if that year's "David Duke" candidate happens to get elected because his mark got punched randomly?

Sure, the kid made it out to the polls, and we can proudly point to our rising voter turnout percentages, but I don't think people are going to become magically engaged just because they have to go. Some might - but not all.

If you want incentives, why not positive reinforcement instead of negative? Why not $50 off your state taxes if you send in your voting voucher?

If the goal is a populace more engaged in the political process, then that solution is already out there: get out there and put your case to the people. Engage them with your ideas and tell them how important voting is. The guys you don't agree with are saying dumb things and scaring the voters into passing hateful laws? Then you have to be smarter and better than them.

Just as I think it's wrong to keep a basic democratic right away from people, I think it's wrong to force them to enjoy that basic democractic right. Choice is good - and if it's a choice to remain unengaged, then at least that person won't be getting in the way of the rest of us that care.

Bill Maher once said - jokingly, I'm sure - that people should have to take a political literacy test to be able to qualify to vote. That is, you'd have to be able to at least know SOMETHING about the candidates - like their names - before you go in there and place your ballot. That is of course a bad bad bad idea, and it's unnecessary. Because with voluntary voting, those that are too dumb or lazy to vote to muddy up the true "voice of the people" weed themselves out.

UPDATE: From the looks of his site, it looks like FattyFat has "outed" himself as the world's Jolliest Dictator, probably because he sensed that I was about to.

FattyFat: 1 Me: 2

A couple of things for FattyFat:

1. ONCE AGAIN HE HAS MISSED THE POINT. He is hammering on one non-issue to hide the fact that he has the most incurious, unread, uninformed blog this side of the Rio Grande. HE IS THE GEORGE W. OF THE BLOGOVERSE. To me the most interesting question about the whole Matrix thing is not whether the Wachowskis have a solid grasp of all the sources their fans claim they've referenced - it seems doubtful, but OK, whatever - but why it's O.K. to deconstruct the Matrix while Star Wars is for sad fanboys.

Point to me.

2. He says: "I say the technical expertise of the majority of owners of Spam boxes fits into a walnut with room left over." And so he is opposed to those opposed to the Do-Not-Email registry.

I'm not opposed to it, but I'm not running over to add my already-swamped email address to it. I say anybody who stands up and proudly announces that they have a hacker-proof encryption should also paint a big target on the front of their building. I'll bet the day after someone makes this claim the sidewalk outside their place is thick with the warchalk symbol for "JUST ASKING FOR IT."

Point to me.

3. He is perfectly correct that I am WRONG! in my earlier comments concerning the civility of heckling. I'm sure it was all he could do not to surround that headline with asterisks.

Point to him.

Aside to Blogger - thanks for breaking all my links to my own blog after I changed the archive. You're FIRED.

Lying Liars and their Lies

I wondered why I was not being beaten in the pages of FattyFat and INYF for my blasphemy about Apple's "new" windows system.

And now they claim to me that they never knew that Windows had the ability to tile open windows. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A STANDARD REFRAIN OF MINE FOR MANY YEARS.

Do you see what I have to contend with?

FattyFat Doesn't Support the Troops

Not only does he mischaracterize my post, he attacks my heritage. Sigh.

It seems to me that we're complaining about the exact same thing, only he's aiming at the majority, so it's OK.

More from the hippy

FattyFat says he does not pollute, but I remind him that there is such a thing as traffic pollution as well. He pollutes the very roadways by making them unsafe. And still he does not take responsibility for his own driving!

Get out of here, hippy, you're making the whole place stink of patchoulie.

Monsieur GrossyGrosGrosGros

I see that Monsieur GrossyGrosGrosGros totally buys into my logic - he AGREES with me that I am responsible not only for myself but him on the road when he is biking.

Meanwhile HIS only responsibility is to get himself there.

It is almost enough to make me turn... green... WITH... RAGE!

ON YOUR LEFT, ASSHOLE

Fattyfattyfatfat's comments about how dumb ol' people always ruin the lakefront for him pretty much sum up why the lakefront is ruined for me - whether I'm on foot, skates, or a bike.

If you're not barrelling down the path at top speed on your bike, GET OFF THE LAKEFRONT! DANIEL BURNHAM NEVER INTENDED FOR PEOPLE TO HOLD HANDS AND WALK HERE, UNLESS THEY WERE ON BIKES GOING AT TOP SPEED! SCREW YOU, PAL, I'M ON A BIKE!

I HAVE A HELMET, I'M SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT!

GO ENJOY THE LAKEFRONT SOMEWHERE ELSE, AWAY FROM THE LAKEFRONT! YOU CAN'T BE HERE LISTENING TO ABBA, DANIEL BURNHAM NEVER WOULD HAVE LIKED ABBA, HE WAS MORE OF A PUNK GUY!

Initial Aspersions

Don't believe anything you read over at the FattyFattyFatFat Blog. It is filled with Damnable Lies. Those people are the ones that broke the New Economy. That's right! If it weren't for them, we'd all be taking our weekends in Disneyland and connecting back to our cappucino makers over the internet while we were away.

Thanks for ruining everything, FattyFat.