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(THE JUNGLE OF LOST ISLAND. The two men have left the Tiger Women confused, blinded, and angry on the beach. The robot pushes a path through the vegetation for them, and they move as quickly as they can deeper into the jungle.) URVIS PENTHUM: Now, you have to be careful of the quicksand through here. BOB: Ulp. ROBOT 2: It's not just the quicksand - I just hope none of the you-know-what are anywhere around here... URVIS PENTHUM: I THOUGHT WE AGREED NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT. BOB: What? The you-know-what WHATS? (A branch slaps him in the face.) YAH! URVIS PENTHUM: Um... he's talking about... um... the Voodoo priests, but I think they don't exist. ROBOT 2: Actually, I was referring to the Cannibals- URVIS PENTHUM: QUIET! BOB: Um... OK. (He begins moving a little quicker) Do you think my ship will be OK back there with those Tiger Women? URVIS PENTHUM: Oh, they may dent it up a bit, but it will basically be OK. Robot, dispatch some of your counterparts to keep an eye on it. ROBOT 2: Whatever. BOB: (Huffing to keep up) How far is this Tree Fortress? URVIS PENTHUM: And... HERE WE ARE! (Bob, Urvis and the Robot break through into a small clearing. A giant wooden structure is now blocking their path. It takes Bob a moment to realize that it is the trunk of an ENORMOUS TREE. It dwarfs any other plant in the jungle! Following the trunk with his eyes a hundred feet above their heads, Bob can make out the structure of a FORTRESS situated high amongst the massive branches and enormous canopy.) URVIS PENTHUM: Kyla! KYLA! Send down the elevator! Start the winch! (To Bob) It'll be just a moment. (Nothing happens.) URVIS PENTHUM: HELLOOOO? (After a second, Bob hears the sounds of an electric motor being activated far above their heads. Then, three thick cables snake their way down out of the branches. The cables continue to drop until they are at their feet. A small disk unfolds from the end of the line.) URVIS PENTHUM: OK, put your feet on the disk, and hang on! (They do so - Bob with some trepidation. The Robot clings to the bottom of the disk magnetically. They begin to be lifted into the air.) URVIS PENTHUM: What do you think? Neat, huh? ROBOT 2: It's neat. URVIS PENTHUM: Not you. BOB: (Clinging tightly to the cable) I think that they can make more sophisticated elevators than this. (They are drawn upwards into the canopy. As they rise past the first concealing branches, Bob, can see the extent of Penthum's Tree Fortress: several bamboo huts and buildings are suspended and cabled to branches throughout the canopy of the tremendous tree - it is a small, multi-level city suspended in the jungle's roof. The lines continue to reel them into one of the Fortress's larger suspended buildings. At last they are inside. Although the exterior was covered in bamboo, the inside is far more modern - and luxurious. A platform slides beneath their feet, and the trio step off the cables into Penthum's OBSERVATION DECK. Comfortable seats and couches line the walls, massive windows and telescopes look out over the Island, and Bob spots what looks like a bar and kitchen.) URVIS PENTHUM: What took you? Thank God they weren't hot on our heels! (KYLA THE TIGERWOMAN is curled onto one of the oversized chairs, tapping into a thin computer floating in front of her. She has dark hair, green eyes, and is beautiful in the requisite leopard-skin bikini of her tribe. A thin golden chain runs from her ankle to a ring imbedded in the wall. ) KYLA: I thought I heard someone down there call me a "wench." I wasn't sure I was going to let you up. URVIS PENTHUM: Oh, for the love of... I said WINCH! WINCH, you wench! Bob, allow me to introduce you to Kyla, the Tiger Woman that was the cause of that calamity on the beach. Beware - a captive Tiger Woman can be very dangerous. KYLA: Oh, please. I fixed a drink for you - but I didn't know what our guest would be having. URVIS PENTHUM: Bob, what are you drinking? BOB: Um... soda and lime, please. (Kyla gets up, unfastens the chain from her ankle, and goes to the bar.) URVIS PENTHUM: And here you see the prisoner the Tiger Women were so eager to free! Does she look like she's being tortured? Or in pain? Does she? Hmmm? Your sisters interrupted our picnic, dear. KYLA: GOD! I hope you defeated them again. If there's one thing I don't want, it's to have to join the Tiger Women again. All that running around outside, having to hunt for food, living in caves... Not to mention the Voodoo priests. URVIS PENTHUM: NOW DON'T YOU START ABOUT THAT TOO! They don't exist! KYLA: I hope they are all doing well, though - how was Starla? And Cleo? How about Darla? (She hands Bob his drink, then sits back down at the computer, refastening the chain on her ankle.) BOB: All right, I'm confused - are you a prisoner, or aren't you? KYLA: URVIS! You mean you haven't told him the story yet? URVIS PENTHUM: There really hasn't been time... KYLA: Well, Bob, let me fill you in on the story of the Tiger Women...
The origin of the Tiger Women? I wouldn't miss the next installment for the world! It's all in Episode 7 of Bob Tallmadge, Universal Assistant: The Alleged Tiger Planet!
© 1999 Absurd Pamphlet Press
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